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Heartbreak

 

One always hopes that they will experience a soul shattering experience, alone. Well, I should say that one really hopes to never experience a soul shattering experience.

It isn’t detrimental. You will come out of it, gasping for air and clutching for purchase at any available surface, but you will be genetically altered for all other experiences to come.

You won’t want to be alone in your suffering forever, but in that one moment, when you realize your world has been flipped over and turned inside out, you will.

Unfortunately, a moment like this can happen in a very public manner.

People most likely will be present when you stumble into this exact moment.

You may even receive a voicemail explaining how sorry someone was and they could feel the shattering of your soul as your heart broke. They might even provide a blow by blow of the exact moment as seen through their eyes.

You’ll listen to this voicemail while refilling your diet Pepsi, and vodka. You’ll watch the tepid soda widdle down the ice cubes. You will almost smile at the words coming out of your phone, almost.

A person declaring they could feel your heartbreak.

Ha!

The almost formed smile, will feel foreign on your face. The muscles will crack from the strain of lifting up the sides of your mouth. You’ll have a hysterical thought that you will never be able to smile organically again.

How could someone feel your emotions, at the exact moment you went numb?

Maybe, it was some residual instinct left over from the caveman times. When a member of a tribe experienced something they were unable to handle, the other members siphoned off the emotions making it less to bear for the suffering member.

You hope they keep it, you think to yourself as you wash down a sleeping pill with your vodka laced Pepsi. It isn’t a suicide kick, you just want to ensure that your body stays numb just a little longer.

Your tribes-members seem to already be getting tired of hefting the load they had siphoned from you, and start to release it back to you. Like a rubber band more emotions would hit you, springing on you unexpectedly while knocking the breath out of your lungs.

You lay down, and rub your palm over the spot where your heart beat. You picture it pumping away with less enthusiasm, and wondering when it would get the spring back in its mechanics. Atrium, ventricle, lungs, atrium, ventricle, body. Forcing blood through you, knowing something was off, but doing its job none the less.