Yay!!!!!! It’s almost the Forth of July!!!!!!

Posted: June 30, 2014 in Uncategorized

I am actually bouncing up and down on my seat, as I write this post.  I have been extremely busy with trying to get Breaking Faith legible, that I have been neglecting everything else lately.  So, realizing that the Forth is almost upon us, I had to take time to explain my absolute adoration for this holiday.

Last week I was massaging a client, when he asked me if he could reschedule for the following Friday. (I am so glad he was face down, because the look I gave him was very insulting) I answered that “no, I would not be working next Friday because it was the Forth of July and it is my favorite holiday.”

He asked me why out of all the holiday’s I would pick the Forth as my favorite? (See, he asked. I didn’t just go off on some random tangent, on the Forth. This time I one was actually prompted.)

I took a deep breath, and launched into my explanation….

I need to first explain that my birthday, is on July 14th. This is what started my love for the holiday. The excitement knowing that presents were near, started right after the grand finale. Also, when I was little,  my grandpa (the greatest man to ever live) confided in me that the fireworks were from him for my birthday. (I feel I need to explain I was a weird child, and as most can tell it still has not left me in adulthood.) I took his words to heart, and every time the multicolored bits of fire would light up the sky, I would just smile and nod at how cool my birthday present was.

There is a villain in this story though. My third grade teacher Mr. G, tried to take away my present. Mr. G was a short asshole of a man. I would get into arguments with him weekly when I was little. One day he asked if any of us knew what the fireworks on the Forth of July represented.  My hand shot up in the air, knowing that I had this one. He pointed at me, and I explained that they were a birthday present, from my grandpa. I will never forget his oily face , as it laughed at me. He then explained to me very harshly that my grandpa was a liar. (I know, right.  What an asshole.)  My little eight year old body was shaking with rage, as I yelled at him that my grandpa was not a liar, and other things that got me sent outside. (To this day I honestly still have anger toward Mr. G.)

Anyway’s, I told my grandpa about this douche waffle\,  and he explained to me that Mr. G was in fact an idiot and unfortunately I would be running into more like him throughout my life.

Besides the fireworks and my birthday, I have other reasons for my love of the Forth. For starters I feel that it is the most unassuming holiday we have. Let me explain, most other holiday’s people are expecting things from you and there is a level of pressure put on most. Valentine’s day, Mother’s day, Father’s day, Christmas everyone is clamoring for the perfect gift to show the people around them that they love them, and they aren’t going to murder them in their sleep. Not the Forth, the Forth is like your high uncle that would take naps on the couch, and never worry about anything but where the chips were.

Now some of you might argue that Thanksgiving is another holiday where you are supposed to bask in the glory of nothing, but I disagree. I feel Thanksgiving has its own stress, people slave over food hoping that it doesn’t make everyone sick, or worried how they are going to resist that second piece of pumpkin pie (f-ing pumpkin pie) I could go on, and on talking shit on the other holiday’s, but I am forcing myself to stop. (you are welcome.)

So bust out the bar-b-que and stuff your face with summertime delicacies, and if you want, when the fireworks are bursting in the sky, you can always think of my weird third grade self, flipping the bird to her evil teacher.

  1. David Karner says:

    Forget the asshole. Your grandpa was awesome. And he’s right. I love your post. A little angry…but I love it. Oh, and happy, happy early birthday.


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