Archive for July, 2014

Breaking Faith is currently with my editor, as I have made the revisions that we have discussed. I will be working on the second part, while I the first is in her capable hands. I realized that I have not blogged in quite some time, and I hope you all understand that I am working very hard to get this book out there. So, you can criticize it, and tell me never to write again. (or not)

I had a dream that the police came to my house, and removed all of my technology. They told me that I should never write again, and handed me a stack of pre-filled out cards (birthday, anniversary, thank you…ect) so I would never have to write an original thought again. (yes, I have huge self-esteem issues, but the dream was extremely vivid, so I have a very overactive imagination.)

As most of you know on Twitterverse, and Facebookland I did stand-up comedy for my birthday. This was a bucketlist that I have wanted to do for awhile now. It was awesome, and people actually laughed with, and at me. I was so nervous when I got there, I wanted to chicken out.  JM was supportive in my chickening out, and got yelled at by me for allowing me an out. I gave the guy my five dollar’s for five minutes on stage, and stuck my name in a cup. I was sitting next to JM, trying to stay calm, when a very nice lady comedian (I’m so sorry I forgot your name. I know it started with an S) started to talk to me. She was really nice, and asked me if I wanted her to tell me a joke to calm down. I immediately looked over at JM (with accusing eyes) and asked him why the fuck he wasn’t telling me jokes? She looked at me, and said “You are funny.”

Her joke was “why didn’t the two tampon’s talk to each other?”

I responded, “because they had cotton mouth?”

she started laughing, and reiterating that I would be fine, because I was funny. (the real answer if you want to know was, because they were stuck up bitches.)

We went into the performing area, and I am not going to lie, honestly, there were like ten people there. Two of my clients showed up, to support me.

I was of course the second to be called.

I got on stage, and was shaking. JM told me that I looked all innocent, nervous, and shaking…..and then I opened my mouth, and started spewing some raunchy shit.  He said he looked around, and people were shocked, but then they started laughing. It was awesome. I got the thing recorded, but I can not for the life of me get the DVD to work. I wish I could, because my last couple of jokes were really funny. I have a couple of seconds that my clients recorded on their phone that I have put on YouTube, and I promise when I do it again I will get it recorded.

How was your birthday???? You ask, let me tell you.

JM was gone, and so was everyone else that lives in my house. I was completely alone, and ok with it. I woke up, and lounged around in my jammies. I was going to work on Breaking Faith, but started talking to one of my author friends (Maggie Kaye) that lives near me. She told me that I could not in fact be all alone on my birthday, and told me to get dressed and we were going to lunch. We met (for the first time, and I wasn’t kidnapped) and had an amazing lunch. We ended up talking for three hours. I got home and immediately went back into my jammies. I was sitting at my computer pretending to edit Breaking Faith, when my niece and second mom came in with a fiber-one brownie, with a scoop of ice cream and a candle on it. They sang me happy birthday, and left.  I went back to my pretending, when another friend of mine text me that she was coming over after her spin class with a cupcake, and alcohol.

An hour laterI realized that she wasn’t coming; I went into my kitchen and poured myself a drink Diet Pepsi, and red licorice vodka. (a friend of mine put two airplane sized bottles of vodka into my tip jar after her massage one day) It was really good (I was buzzed instantly. I don’t drink often, and get sloshed quickly.) I was singing incredibly sad songs at the top of my lungs while drinking my vodka laced Pepsi. It was pretty pathetic; I’m not going to lie. I listened to Zzyzx Rd. by Stone Sour like ten times, and I sang it every time. My friend text me later and explained she got sick after spin and went home. After listening to all the sad songs on my phone, I decided I needed sleep. I couldn’t sleep because of the damn caffeine running through my system, so I took a sleeping pill to counteract the caffeine and finally fell asleep around 2:30 in the morning. Happy fucking birthday to me. LOL

P.S, I still haven’t gotten any damn cake!!!!! star


I just realized how random this whole post was, sorry about that. I am now waiting for the cops to come.


I’m sure that most of you have noticed that I collect people. If you are nice to me, I will be loyal to you and help you anyway that I can. I am not sure if this is because I have really low self-esteem and want people to like me, or if I just want to keep finding the good in life. I believe that people come into your life for a reason, and I will try to find the good in our meetings.

Jennifer Wilkerson was someone I was happy to collect, or maybe she collected me. This is our story.

(I was in a really bad place in my life, when I met Jennifer. Don’t judge me to harshly. To put it in perspective I had just left my abusive ex. I was trying to come to terms, that I had allowed that to happen to me. My family and support system was states away. I leaned a lot on my best friend, but even she was strained with the person I was at the time. She stood by me, and I am forever thankful that I have her in my life. Love you Heather 🙂 )

I was dating the first person that showed any signs of attraction to me, at the time. The best way to describe myself is pathetic. I needed something that I should have been seeking in myself instead of others. (I still to this day struggle with this) Sorry went off track there, this is a really hard post to write.

One night I was sick. I was alone in my little ghetto duplex, with the flu wishing that I could make it go away. I decided to call my “boyfriend” to see if he could bring me some medicine. I’m not going to lie, I really wasn’t surprised when a girl answered the phone.

“Why are you calling my boyfriends phone?” She asked.

“That’s is funny he is my boyfriend too, but you can have him. I am done.” I responded hoping that I could catch my eyeball before the dog got it, if it decided to pop out from the pressure in my head. I will tell you I was surprised by her response.

“Are you, Ok?” She asked me.

“No, I have the flu, which I have never had before. I was just calling to get him to bring me medicine. I can not tell you how pathetic I feel right now.” I responded, resigned to the fact that there was no way I could catch my eyeball, and the dog would have a green eyed feast soon.

“Poor, baby. Do you want me to bring you something?” I am not kidding, she actually in all honesty asked me this. This was the amazing person she is.

“No, I am just going to go lie in bed and hope to pass out,” I responded.

I don’t really remember how it happened, it was eleven years ago, but somehow we ended up making plans to go to lunch when I felt better. I made my best friend go with me, just in case this girl was crazy. ( I have a really really bad habit of trusting everyone.) When I walked into the restaurant, and saw Jennifer I knew we were going to be friends immediately. My best friend realized that she wasn’t going to get all stabby on me, and left.

We actually went, and broke up with our “boyfriend” together.  The look on his face is something I will never forget, especially when we told him we understood why he was dating the other because we were both so fucking awesome.

I started hanging out with Jennifer a lot. I hated being alone in my house, my ex would show up unexpectedly and I would let him in. ( I had no self-esteem, also my best friend needed a break) When Jennifer found this out, she would make me come over to her house and watch the Lion King, she loved that movie.

One New Years I made a resolution, that I wasn’t going to flash for the whole year ( I have a  problem with flashing people) Jennifer told me I couldn’t last ten minutes, she was right. (I think I was sabotaged though. I’m pretty sure she made the guy ask me to show them to him)

After awhile I really didn’t like the person I was. I knew it was time to move back to Cali. The ex was getting more aggressive, but then proposed to some girl. NOBODY believed me when I told them he was still showing up at my house. They figured he had moved on, and I was crazy. I called my parents, and had them come get me. We left in the middle of the night, I left everyone I loved there and I missed them so much.

Jennifer called me all the time, telling me to get my ass back to Texas. (I had a voicemail from her, that I lost when I switched cell phone carriers.)  She had me convinced that I should move back to Texas. We had planned to get an apartment together. I was stronger when I moved to California, and thought that I was able to live a more productive life if I moved to Texas than the last time.

On my 23rd birthday I called her, because I hadn’t heard from her that day. We were planning on searching for apartments, and she was excited for my birthday. Her roommate answered the phone, and asked if I had heard from Jennifer. I told her I hadn’t and that was why I was calling. I haven’t heard from her since. She just disappeared.  I miss her dearly, and my birthday always makes me a little melancholy. (If you are doing the math, yes I will be 33 on Monday. Ugh)

As a birthday present if you could go, and like Jennifer’s Facebook page I would really appreciate it. She also has a website that explains about her disappearance. 2