Archive for October, 2014

Ella Emerson

So Halloween is upon us and I have to say I am not prepared. I have been so busy writing The Vanilla Bet that everything with Halloween has almost fallen apart.

3 weeks ago I took the kids to a HUGE Halloween store here in town. This store is packed so full of costumes that most things will never be found. (I am sure children have been lost in this store.) Anyways, we all ordered Star Wars costumes, and we were all very excited. A few days later we went back to the store and oops, hey no big deal, they forgot to put the order in….So, we put what we wanted in again….and left.

A week later I call the store to see when we can pick up our awesome costumes, well I was told to call back tomorrow and talk to Diane.

Do you see where I am…

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Making friends with monsters.

Posted: October 30, 2014 in Uncategorized

Halloween has lived up to its reputation this year. It crept up behind us and screamed BOOOO. I cannot believe that the end of October has arrived, and will now slink away in the dead of night. Of course, it will be drunkenly stumbling (doing an impression of John Wayne’s walk) on ten inch heels, with make-up smeared, its tiny costume riding up in very dangerous places, and its dignity somewhere at the bottom of a pumpkin laced alcohol soaked red solo cup. (good-bye Halloween. See you next year.)

There is an on going joke with my family, that I make friends with the weirdest people. My family has told me if anyone could make friends with a serial killer, it would be me. I argue that I do not have serial killer friends because really I don’t have many friends. When I try to argue my point a Halloween story always comes up. I made friends with a monster, and I will never live it down.

Nine years ago a handful of my family and friends decided to go to Knott’s Scary Farm.


When I go to these type of places I shut down all emotions. I could be mistaken for a zombie with as much emotion as I show. I am guessing this is some type of coping mechanism (there were clowns lurking about. Fuck that.) One of my very good friends had no problem screaming at the top of her lungs. It was entertaining watching her jump and scream at the characters that jumped out at her.

At one of the last mazes we were going through, a werewolf jumped out at me.  I didn’t flinch.

The poor guy must have been having a bad night.

He threw up his hands,and stated “I quit.”

I reached out, and comforted him, “No, you were really scary. I just don’t get scared at these things. It’s not you, it’s me”

Dejected werewolf, “I was crouched in that space waiting for you. I am not good at this. I quit.”

Me, “No, don’t quit. You were really scary.”

Sad werewolf, “Nope, you didn’t even flinch.”

Me, “Ok, listen. See that girl in the sweater. (my terrified screaming friend) She screams at everything. I promise she will scream. Go get her.”

Tired werewolf, “It’s no use. I quit.”

Me, “Please, do it for me. Now, if she doesn’t scream, then you may want to consider finding another profession.”

Determined werewolf, “Ok,”

He runs up behind my friend,and sure enough she lets out a blood curdling scream.

He then surprises us all. He turns around runs back to me and gives me a hug before running off screaming thank you in his wake.

I then turned into the sideshow.

All of my friends,and family were staring at me in confusion. When I joined them I was bombarded with,

“Did that werewolf hug you?”

“Did what just happen, really happen?”

and of course….

“Only you would make friends with a monster.”

This is a true story, and it is brought up at least once a year.

While I was writing this, one detail started to bug me. Why did everyone let me lag behind? My family knows that if I am left to my own devices trouble normally ensues. I am going to have to ask them about this.

Happy Halloween….. 🙂

October Madness.

Posted: October 27, 2014 in Uncategorized

For two weekends in a row I have got to totally nerd out.

Last weekend was the La Brea Tarpits. I am still in love with my sloth. We are happy.

This weekend I went with one my friends to go see, Bodies: the exhibition, and Titanic.

Before my friend became my friend she was first my client. I was able to show her on the cadavers where her trouble spots were.

I love the human body (sloths also). I totally nerded out on the cadavers. The human body is one of my favorite things, and getting to see cadavers flayed apart is kind of sort of awesome. I have actually seen the exhibit before in Vegas, but it was still fascinating.

The Titanic exhibit was incredible, and sad. Before you enter the exhibit you are given a boarding pass. These passes are replicas of what the real boarding passes looked like. On the back you are given the name and other information of the passenger you are supposed to be. At the end of the exhibit there is a wall with the names of all the survivors and victims on the ship. You are able to search the wall to find out if you survived or perished.


I was a seven year old second class passenger. My name was Miss Eva Miriam Hart. If you are curious I survived.

The Titanic exhibit was hard for me to go through. It was extremely heart breaking, and I felt weird being entertained by dead peoples stuff. When I got home I was very melancholy, and it took awhile to shake the mood off.

My other friend who is helping me edit Breaking Faith kidnapped me to go see a movie on Thursday. (Seriously if you have not read her book I highly recommend it. You can follow her on Twitter @rfisherbooks) This is her book cover…all the wrong places RF

The movie we watched was very violent, and nasty gory. I am more of a comedy kind of girl. This movie wasn’t really my style (in all fairness it wasn’t Rebecca’s either)

I joked with her and asked if, “She tricked me into watching the movie, because I made her read all my vagina references”

We talked a little bit about my book. I felt guilty that I hadn’t really done anything with the edits she had given me. I have been on a hiatus from Breaking Faith. I think I may have mentioned this before.

Today, I kicked that hiatus to the curb. I finished most of the edits that she has given me, and will work the rest of them when I post this sucker.  So that is my update. Rebecca you can rest soundly knowing that all your hard work is not going to waste. 🙂

Ella Emerson

Trace Weston lives in the beautiful Palm Beaches. A college student who would rather party his life away then accept his father’s company. He loses a bet at a college party and has to have a “vanilla” relationship with a girl he has never met.

Vanessa Summers, moved to Florida to attend college for her love of the arts. She also left behind a dark past that haunts her every day. She meets Trace and is instantly taken with his irresistible charm. Will she be able to keep her secrets hidden? Will Trace be able to help her find the answers to what she is searching for? Will they be able to find who and what is trying to keep them apart?

Now that Vanessa and Trace have just begun dating weird things are beginning to happen.

There are notes left at her house from a secret admirer, and someone…

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Hellraiser: behind the scenes

Posted: October 25, 2014 in Uncategorized

Read by Kevin


I was a teenager when I watched Clive Barker’s iconic horror movie Hellraiser. It freaked me out, to say the least. I’d never seen evil presented on screen in such a visceral, repulsive way. What made it so scary? First, several years of Catholic school had conditioned me to be afraid of hell. Second, the villains — Pinhead and the rest — were not just mindless monsters. They were human. Too human.

This movie has stayed with me after all these years. I haven’t watched it in a long time. Maybe I should. But will Hellraiser hold up? Sure, it was low-budget, but the core element of pure horror will remain as strong as ever, I’m guessing.

In the meantime, I came across this article in that details some behind-the-scenes tidbits about the movie. Here are a few highlights:

–Clive Barker sold the script for Hellraiser based on the idea alone. He’d never directed a…

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Bradley Pitts

Posted: October 23, 2014 in Uncategorized

That was perfect. I’ve never seen his show. I’m hooked

Madhuri Writes Things

Do you watch Between the Ferns with with Zach Galifiankis? Who, by the way, will always be Fat Jesus to me.

I love it. It’s totally bizarre and uncomfortable and even though you know everyone is in on the joke, it’s still delicious fun watching everyone be in on the joke.

So Brad Pitt was just on and it was kind of special. I won’t give the whole thing away, although I desperately want to because all of it cracked me up, but Zach addressed him as Bradley Pitts, told him that he finds it strange Pitt plays so many characters who are Nazi haters because he “looks like Hitler’s dream”, and asked to hear about Pitt’s new movie “Furry”.

This might be my favorite episode yet.

Check it out.

Oh! and while you’re at it, have a happy Diwali.


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Sloth love and other news

Posted: October 19, 2014 in Uncategorized

I was going to write about falling in love with a ground sloth. He looked like he wanted me in his arms as soon as he saw me.  Yeah I found my one true love.


Don’t we make the cutest couple?
I went to the La Brea Tar Pits on Saturday, and totally nerded out.

I love biology (I think I’ve mentioned this) seeing all the bones put me in nerd heaven.
Oh, and before that I went to Whimsic Alley, and nerded out there. I put on a $100 witch hat.


This hat is wayyyyy better than the $15 one I tried on last week.


I also went to the Comedy Store


And was set right up front where my boobs became the butt of a joke.
These stories were going to be my post this week, but something happened.
I haven’t really been talking about Breaking Faith lately. It has been on a stand still. I have no problems with it staying in that state. I have a friend the lovely Rebecca Fisher @rfisherbook she is helping me edit this damn thing. She has a book out called

All The wrong Places.

I highly recommend this book.
As all of you know life gets crazy. Rebecca has been such a humongous help. Her life was busy and I assured her that I was in no hurry.
She just handed me 165 pages of edits, and now has the last 185 of the book. I am assuming this means I am no longer allowed to keep it at a standstill.
So there it is. Progress is being made. I am all for procrastination, but it looks like that isn’t happening.
Maybe I will go hug my sloth. He will make it all better.

There’s no place like home.

Posted: October 10, 2014 in Uncategorized

Monday I drove the three hours it takes to get to my parents home. I promised them that I would deliver a couple of things to them, and decided to just make the trip. The house that they live in now is not the house that I grew up in. I actually lived in it for a little over a year, before I decided that I should move to Texas for a guy I met on-line. (yes I know) (NO REALLY I KNOW)

My parents are some of my biggest supporters. I can do no wrong in their eyes. Yes, I have them completely fooled. I only stayed a half the day, but it was refreshing to see them. I got to meet my nephew (don’t faint ladies. He is only a dog.)

I guess I should explain that one. My brother although he is six years younger than I am, got all of the looks. I don’t know how it happened. He is handsome, and he knows it. Don’t believe me? When we were younger I had to have this conversation with many, many, many girls.

Some random girl drooling over my baby brother, “That’s your brother?”

Me rolling my eyes, “Yes”

Stupid girl with her eyes now glazed over at my brother, “Same parents?”

Me trying not to rip her arm off and beat her with it, “Yes”

Random girl now walking past me on a mission, “OMG, he is so handsome. You guys look nothing alike.”

I would put a picture of him on here, but then you guys would try and find his blog.

Anyways…what was I saying.

Oh, so I had a good visit with my parents and brother. I got to talk to my mom about a situation that I have been avoiding like the plague, and she gave me information that will allow me to continue to avoid it with less panic. thanks.

CAM01342Cutest mom ever.

I should have grabbed the picture with my dad in the kitty ears. Damn. Next time.

Now, I always try and go through my room when I am there. My bedroom is set up like a shrine. The museum of Joy. I am guessing that October is going to be the month for time travel.

I feel awful that my room is dedicated to me. I always try to get rid of the clutter. My parents don’t mind, and tell me not to bother but I can’t help it. I was able to go through about three boxes, and threw away a lot of stuff. It cracked me up to find a lot of my old writing. Most of it is cringe worthy, but it shows that I had some type of writing virus even when I was young.

While going through some boxes I realized that Breaking Faith has accomplished what I wanted it to do. I used the process of writing Breaking Faith as a way of finally putting an end to my past. I was pretty much done with living in the past, this just sealed it away into a locked box to be thrown to the bottom of the ocean. (Hopefully it will get a couple sharks on the way down. Fuckers.)

The reason I know that Breaking Faith did its job. I found these in one of the boxes, and felt nothing.


Now during my time in Texas I would have been smart to buy stock in Post-its. These were the only three that I kept. These three were very significant in my old life. They signified a physical object that I felt I needed to validate my sanity.

After I post this I will be throwing them away because I don’t need the validation of them anymore. These are no longer my life, and in all honesty I forgot about them until I saw them. (Yes, my top lip moved. So, we know I wasn’t lying. Or was it my ears wiggled. Hmm.)

I felt nothing when I saw these.  I realized that I don’t care about that anymore. I knew that I was there, but seeing these and feeling nothing was a huge thing for me.

I stopped working on Breaking Faith for awhile because of something that happened with one of my readers. She called me crying about some of the things that I have Faith go through. I freaked out. I don’t want sympathy when people read this book. I want them to be entertained, and hopefully they want to read the next installment.

After seeing these, and feeling nothing I knew that Breaking Faith went beyond what I needed it to do for me. I have been going through and editing parts that I wrote for me and really have nothing for the readers. It is now a book. It has a beginning a middle and some kind of ending. (I need some stuff to go on for the next book 😉 )

I have moved on to another point in my life. It is exciting. It is scary. It isn’t me dragging along the past.

They’re back!!!!

Posted: October 4, 2014 in Uncategorized

We all have triggers that when we see, smell, or hear them we are hurtled back to the past.

Every October I am thrown back to my Junior year in high school. I forget all about it and then boom. I am thrown back in Mr. Guests Honors English 3 class.

CAM01334-1My Junior yearbook pic.   CAM01337-1Mr. Guest

I am sure you are wondering, what is this time traveling object that only comes out in October . . .

The answer . . .these mother fuckers.


If you have never experienced a Caramel Apple Pop, please let me explain. This evil candy is a green apple lollipop, covered is sticky caramel. They are addicting.

During October my junior year my lunch consisted of one of these suckers (haha) and a Pepsi.

The green apple part of the sucker is thin, and the caramel gets warm in your mouth. They become very pliable, after a minute in your mouth. I need to explain, they will be in your mouth over a minute because the caramel gets stuck to your teeth and it takes forever to extract it.

Before going into Mr. Guest’s class I removed the stick, and molded the sucker to the top of my mouth. I really didn’t think anything of it.

I talked a lot in English class. I used to love discussing books that we were currently reading. Mr. Guest knowing I would never shut up, hardly ever called on me.

Except, for this one fateful day where I had a damn Caramel Apple Pop molded to the top of my mouth.

I can’t remember what he asked me, but when I opened my mouth. A glob of caramel apple flavored spit plopped out of my mouth and landed on my desk.

Everyone was staring at me, as I removed this retainer like piece of candy. I started laughing hysterically as I cleaned up my slobber.

So, my time warp happened a couple of weeks ago. I am once again addicted to them, and will most likely get another bag before they evil suckers are pulled off of the shelves. At the end of the season they will go into hibernation. I will forget about them as the months go by, only to be thrown back into Honors English 3 next October.