Archive for March, 2016

Soooo….if you’ve been reading my blog, you know I have a weird desire to do comedy. In fact I did it once two years ago for my birthday. Here’s that link
Birthday Disaster
I have a friend (actually my first professional massage) that does a lot in the comedy world. He is hilarious (so is his adorable girlfriend that is an amazing photographer also. Jenny’s website)
While Derek Derek’s IMDB was being tortured by my elbows. We were talking about how he got into comedy. He told me about a class Tom Clark (Tom’s website) taught that he had taken. Long story short, he got a hold of Tom and coincidentally he had just started a class. I missed the first one, but I jumped right in.
This class was a big step for me. I battled my anxiety the whole time. Thankfully, not only was the teacher supportive the rest of the class was as well.
It was hard walking into the class because the rest of the students were on a whole other level than I was.
A lot of them have acting or comedy experience, podcasts, spots on a sports team, or just confidence up the ass Then there’s me. But I did it and not once ended up in the fetal position crying. (That pose is difficult with boobs)
Monday was my last class and it was bitter sweet. Everyone was so good, and I even got a couple of laughs.
So this Sunday my class and myself will be performing at the Hollywood Improv at 5pm. At the door it is $5 if you give the secret word (class) it is a two item minimum (food, drinks, handjobs) Someone from my class told me to tweet about it so I felt the blog would be a good way to get this out there.
Anyways….I have no friends so if anyone who wants to come and support me and laugh at the rest of my class I would love to see you there.

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Spring Giveaway

Posted: March 24, 2016 in authors, giveaway, prizes
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***Dick Pic Gate Update*****

Posted: March 9, 2016 in Uncategorized

****Dick Pic Gate Update****
A male author asked why he never gets any vagina pics. Yesterday I received quite a few dick pics on Twitter. I started to think of why we as women never feel the need to take a vag pic.
My answer is this. We don’t have a constant view of it. I’ll admit like most ladies I’ve taken and sent pictures of my boobs to people. On a day I look down and see I’m having a good boob day I snap a picture and share that shit immediately.
My vagina not so much. I wouldn’t even know what a good vagina day would look like. Is there ever a good angle? Would I know if it looked fat or skinny? No. I have no idea what a flattering vagina pic would even look like.
Guys the only thing I can think to compare it to is your balls. They aren’t in your direct line of site. Your dick is always there on top. Like a bully wrestler who will not let anyone else win. I’ve been face to face with a couple balls and I can tell you I wouldn’t be able to think of a time I would think…look at those balls. They are looking good. Honey you should snap a picture of them.
Not that I have put too much thought in this or anything.
So there you go. My answer to the reason there are so few elusive vag pics out in the world
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Yes…I went to The Comedy Store again. I absolutely love that place. I’m telling you one day I will be on that stage making people groan from my raunchy humor. It will happen.
We were supposed to go see Anthony Jeselnik, but JM bought the wrong tickets. So instead of going into the Main room at 8pm we were scheduled to go to the Original Room at 9pm.
JM was so upset that he ruined Valentine’s day. Seriously I was out of the house I didn’t care. With the extra time we decided to walk to Pink Dot to get something to drink. Now I had been fighting a migraine so before we left I took a migraine pill. (this will mean something later in this story) I’m not a big drinker. Honestly, I have a couple drinks show my boobs and pass out, but I wanted to have fun so I decided to let loose and hopefully the girls would stay put.
I bought a little bottle of vodka and poured it into my diet Pepsi. We went back to the Comedy Store and people watched while I sipped on my drink. JM left me to go pee so I did what anyone would do I made friends with the bouncer. I was asking him what I needed to do to sign up for open mic. We talked about what I needed to do, and we are now Facebook friends. Yay me.
JM came back and soon my drink was empty, and my bladder was full. When I came out of the bathroom Anthony Jeselnik was standing right in front of me. I debated for a second or two if I should fangirl decided against it and went back to JM. By coincidence he followed me to the front of the building.
I walked up to JM and told him that Anthony Jeselnik was behind me. JM looks over my shoulder and looks at me saying, “he is looking at you. What did you say?” It makes me sad how hard I had to convince him I was good and didn’t say a thing.
So Anthony made his round probably looking at the sold out line and went back behind the building.
Flashfoward it is now close to 1 in the morning. I have dutifully finished my two drink minimum. Now my bladder is full again. I stood up and realized I was buzzed. I didn’t take in the fact that I had taken a migraine pill earlier that day. I was standing in line doing the pee-pee dance when one of the waitresses told me I could use the Main Room bathroom. I was so afraid I was going to get lost, but I made it safe and sound.
While I was walking to a stall I saw someone out of the corner of my eye. I started to tell them “I’m sorry” for cutting them off and came face to face with my reflection.
Yes..I was talking to a mirror. That was when I realized I was more tipsy than I thought. I don’t know about men but when you have been drinking more than you usually do women will actually get board while peeing. While I was sitting down laughing at how stupid I am another woman walked in yelling that she had just got kicked out of the men’s bathroom. She was pissed (pun intended) because she was just going to pee in the urinal. This made me feel better because I may have been talk to your reflection in the mirror drunk but I wasn’t pee in a urinal drunk.
The rest of the night went by with tons of laughs. One comic dubbed me Big Tits McGee.
I just realized most of this post was bathroom related. Sorry about that.
I hope you all had a fabulous Valentine’s day.

Ella Emerson

I AM ATLAS

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With over 50 five star reviews, this has been called one of the biggest mind games of 2015.
Synopsis:
Powerful, wealthy, wildly handsome Atlas has it all: successful company, stunning penthouse, and all the women and fun he could want. But when he meets the brilliant, graceful and mesmerizing Gwen, he is thunderstruck and wants to go to great lengths to have her, even if it means breaking his own rules and baring his secret soul.
When his livelihood is threatened by a competing rival, he must prepare for a corporate battle. But, with Gwen at his side he knows he will not lose.
But, what if she isn’t who he thought…

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