Archive for March, 2015

A handful of….something

Posted: March 24, 2015 in Uncategorized

I have tried to be diligent in posting on Friday…oops. Friday took the bullet train while I was busy with a handful of nakeds. Saturday I had two handfuls of nakeds. Now it’s Tuesday, whoops.
I’m sure nobody is waiting with bated breath to see what I decide to post so I am not worried about the lynch mob outside my door demanding I come up with something clever.
I was going to write something yesterday, but I found an opportunity to use the old bartering system to get something I needed. I gave my sister a hour and 40 minute massage in hopes she can do something with my hair before Vegas. I feel I am getting the upper hand out of the deal, but hey. She has been a hairdresser forever, and she is fanfuckingtastic at it.
Thinking of Vegas I was reminded of my first time. I was 24.  My parents had a rule no kids in Vegas, and being I am not athletically inclined I never had a reason to go there when I was younger.
My first trip to Vegas was during the Pro Rodeo something or other. I am not sure I have mentioned I have a thing for grabbing butts. Anyways there were a group of cowboys (belt buckles and all) standing around. There was a smaller cowboy in the group. He looked so lonely with his bigger friends wrapped around some form of bleach blonde. Feeling a need for my form of Batman justice I went over and grabbed a handful of his ass. Of course this is the exact time his very large towering hair of blondeness girlfriend came out of hiding and started yelling at me to stop touching her boyfriend. Like any smart (drunk) girl would do I fled the scene of the crime.
Little did I know this would be the start of a tradition (not a cowboy tradition but…butt…a new game)
The next year I went on a girls weekend to Laughlin. This is the same trip where my boob got stuck in a damn fishbowl glass. Here is that story.
https://itsjoysworld.net/2014/06/23/embarrassing-drunken-night-in-laughlin/
The girls were cracking up when I was telling them about my cowboy. They were also inebriated as we decided to play another game called “take a different color shot every hour” also I am a lightweight. So we made up a game where I would walk by an unsuspecting target of the girls choice grab a handful of their derriere and walk off meeting up with them at another location so they could tell me the reaction. I would not return to the scene of the crime. Also I wanted older gentlemen that wouldn’t be able to catch me.

 

Shit it is now almost Wednesday. I guess I should just post this damn thing. Next one will be better promise.

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The evils of synopses

Posted: March 9, 2015 in Uncategorized

You wrote a book, what is it about?
This is the beginning of how you form your synopsis.
You tell people about your book. You watch their reactions to see what grabs them or bores them. (This is somewhat difficult for me as most of the people I tell are naked face down. Upside, they are stuck listening to me) You realize who is genuinely interested in your book. The market you will be selling to.
There is a lot of advice on how to write a synopsis. It seems that writing the “how to write a synopsis” is actually easier than writing a synopsis.
What will grab your readers?
What words do you string together in order for someone to give your book a try?
One person says to write it as if you are on an elevator with a potential reader, and you have only the short ride to sell it.
Normally when I am in an elevator I am staring as the numbers ascend or descend hoping the doors will open when I get to my destination. Seriously when the doors do not open immediately I am near panic.
I can’t imagine getting on an elevator and saying “Hi I’m Joy. I wrote a book, and this is what it is about.”
Well I just told a lie because for the sake of this post I will imagine myself doing just that.
Hi I’m Joy I wrote a book called Breaking Faith. It is a rock’n’roll romance. It’s about a girl named Faith (haha see what I did there?) It starts with her escaping an abusive relationship. She walks into a bar called Rays where she is going to confess to her friends what she has been living with.
All thoughts of her turbulent past scatter when she sets eyes on Killian (Kill) the lead singer of the bar band the JackholeS. Her brain refuses to acknowledge her attraction not trusting her instincts with the opposite sex, while her vagina is throwing out the welcome mat and baking cookies.
Kill does not do relationships. Been there done that and it didn’t end well. Now, he will screw you silly just as long as you realize he doesn’t do reruns.
They both can’t deny the magnetism pulling them together. It doesn’t help that a twist of fate has them living under the same roof, but they will both fight the attraction.
With the two of them refusing to acknowledge the emotions they evoke in each other.
With their pasts helping them resist the electric pull.
Is there any hope in finding redemption in each other?

Cheesy?
Did my potential reader get off the elevator floors before their destination?
Ugh..fucking synopses.

What if it were a movie trailer? (This has to be read in the action narrators voice)
One woman escaping the shackles of pain
One man haunted by his past.
Fate has flung them together
They fight their attraction
Do they give in and find salvation, or does their past rip them apart?
Only time will tell how this epic battle of wills ends.

Even more cheesy than the first?
Can’t I just write. Please buy this book for the synopsis?

How about a vague one?

After leaving something horrible behind can a person ever move on?
Does the past circulate through them guiding their decisions?
Keeping them away from a situation that could be remotely similar.
Are bad experiences thicker than good?
Like sludge in their veins weighing them down never letting them forget.
Can two people beaten down by so called love ever trust again?

No that one sounds like a hungover college student trying to write a report an hour before class.

Ugh…synopses are evil. When I finished Breaking Faith it was 400k words long. It has now been broken into two books and I am currently editing that down. How am I supposed to write something so small.

Oh well back to editing. Maybe a synopsis will fly into my head in the middle of the night. What do you suppose I should put under my pillow in order to attract the synopsis fairy?

#Player by Cambria Hebert

Posted: March 9, 2015 in Uncategorized
Title: #Player
Series: Hashtag Series
Author: Cambria Hebert
Genre: NA Contemp/College Romance
Release Date: March 9, 2015
Players gotta play.
Hate is like a poison. It contaminates everything.
So does doubt.
Even though I deny what I overheard, even though I insist it isn’t true, the seed of doubt has been planted. I can’t help but be tormented with the endless what-if’s that have taken over our lives.
Romeo and I were happy in love. The future stretched before us brighter than any star in the darkest sky. Now everything is broken. Literally broken. Romeo’s entire career is at stake, my entire future is threatened… and my past?
It’s coming back to haunt me.
To haunt us.
Romeo says we’re in this together and right now the only sure thing is us. But how far can a love so new be pushed? The lengths we will have to go to save each other puts everything at risk.
Romeo is a #player but how much of the game can one person play?
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Cambria Hebert is a bestselling novelist of more than twenty books. She went to college for a bachelor’s degree, couldn’t pick a major, and ended up with a degree in cosmetology. So rest assured her characters will always have good hair. 
Besides writing, Cambria loves a caramel latte, staying up late, sleeping in, and watching movies. She considers math human torture and has an irrational fear of chickens (yes, chickens). You can often find her running on the treadmill (she’d rather be eating a donut), painting her toenails (because she bites her fingernails), or walking her chorkie (the real boss of the house). 
Cambria has written within the young adult and new adult genres, penning many paranormal and contemporary titles. Her favorite genre to read and write is romantic suspense. A few of her most recognized titles are: Text, Torch, Tryst, Masquerade, and Recalled.
Cambria Hebert owns and operates Cambria Hebert Books, LLC. Email: cambriahebert@rocketmail.com



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This is the ending of the story between Rimel and Romeo, or is it only the beginning? I could not wait to get my hand on this book. I read the first two together. I actually had to wait for this one. It was worth the wait. Romeo and the story of his #forevergirl had me on the edge of my seat with the drama surrounding them, but at no point did I wonder about the strength of this couple. I felt secure in there relationship not so sure about the outside world. This book made laugh out loud, and my heart broke for Rimmel at points. The duel POV kept you in the know about the others feelings although some of their intentions were hidden keeping you guessing how they were going to fix their future. This was the perfect ending to the # series. I can’t wait for Brayden’s spin-off

I was going to title this post “Indie Authors Are Not Real Authors.”  Then I realized I would be doing the same thing I am about to rant on. Some weeks ago there was a post floating around Facebook where a blogger actually did title his post Indie Authors Are Not Real Authors. He had Facebook in an uproar. People were tagging their author friends to read this degrading article. I am surprised his server didn’t crash from the influx of people flocking to his site to read his post. I tried to read the comments, but there were sooooo many.

I will admit I didn’t read the whole article. The amount of bullshit he spouted off in the begging was enough to make a skyscraper reek of cow feces for months. What did he accomplish by posting this article?  He brought droves of angry indie authors to his site to voice their opinion. His stats must have been through the roof. So much so I knew if I would have titled this post the same way he did, my stats would have probably topped my highest day. I couldn’t do it with a clear conscience. How far do you go to get people to pay attention to your work? Is this a clever marketing scheme? This person clearly has no problem saying things that would hurt the people around him. He clearly loves himself some himself.  Looking out for number one, and pardon him while his shoe steps on you shoulder and head to get higher up.

In his article he mentioned that indie authors should be referred to by another name and not be aloud to use author as a describing word for them. What else would you call people who create stories from their imagination or real life experiences? A rose by any other name….and all. Wait would Mr. Shakespeare be considered an author? He was never wooed by one of the big five publishing companies out there.

What makes you an author?

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/author 

: a person who has written something; especially : a person who has written a book or who writes many books

: a person who starts or creates something (such as a plan or idea)

Write something, There you are the author of what you just wrote. It doesn’t matter if anyone else reads it. It doesn’t matter if others read it and hate it. It doesn’t matter if other fucking love the hell out of it. It is yours. Some famous authors advice is to write something and then tear it up letting no one read it. Write for yourself and market for others.

Same with any form of art once you create something you are its creator. How would this blogger determine if a another is an artist? Would they only be recognized if their work was hanging in a gallery? What if their art was purchased? My grandpa paid me a dollar when I was six for one of my drawing, does that make me official?

Or a musician. Most musicians start out singing covers of other peoples work. Would you only be recognized as an musician if you sang an original piece you wrote? Because if that is the case most of the people on the radio are frauds.

How much of snob do you have to be to say your art is better than another persons? Who has time to come up with another title for something that already has a  title?

In a round about way I have already ranted on this subject. The reason there is so many different art forms out there is because people have different tastes in things. People have had different life experiences, and therefore the way they connect with other pieces of work is incomparable.

https://itsjoysworld.net/2014/09/28/cant-we-all-just-get-along/

It is amazing to have a plethora of arts to choose from. Allowing you to create a bond with a piece of art is something special. It makes us vulnerable and human. Ranting at someone that put down your work for no other reason but to boost theirs is human also. If it isn’t your  thing you don’t have to be a part of it. Another human trait we have (well not everyone) we have the brain capacity to make choices, and if we don’t like something we can walk away.

So walk away from this and go create. There are going to be mean people out there that will hurt you, and put you down. Rise above them. Persevere and tell them to kiss you ass….

Janerm

Sequel to Jade. Jade and Jane continue their adventures and chase the Devil around the world. They must defeat him when they catch him beforel the hunters become the hunted. Join Jade and Jane on anther non-stop action packed thrill ride, full of surprises, romance, and humor. Meet new characters and new friends along the way as the relationship between Jade and Jane continues to grow. Vamps, shifters, and witches galore with a few other supernatural creatures in the mix make for another exciting adventure.
Quotes:
• “Our pack’s purpose is to fight, to do battle with evil.”
• “He has a small army of vamps and nobody has dared to take him on.”
• “You put a big dent in the roof, Jane.”
Excerpt:
“I hear something,” Jade said, walking to the eastern side, raising her binoculars. She wasn’t looking towards the forest I saw, but rather slightly upward towards the sky. I couldn’t hear anything. A shifter’s hearing is better than a vamp’s.

“Choppers,” Hannah said from behind us, facing west, binoculars up as well. “Many of them,” she continued. “This is something we didn’t count on. We have a few stingers out there but there must be at least ten choppers coming from this direction.”

She picked up her phone and dialed to alert the forces on the ground. While she waited for an answer she continued, “Heading straight for our position. How many coming from your direction, Jade?”

“A dozen or more,” Jade said, “also heading straight towards our position. Tell your forces to concentrate on those coming in from the west. I will take the ones coming from the east.”

I drew Hannah back to the edge of the point. Jade in dragon form would take up much of our little space here. Jade shed clothes and stood in the middle getting ready to shift.

“We have a little air force of our own,” I told Hannah as Jade changed.

I do not have a review of this book yet. I promised my reviews to another set of authors. I can tell you this book will not disappoint, and I cannot wait to read it. My review will come soon…

wpid-allthewrongplaces.gif

Sunday March 1- Friday March 6, All the Wrong Places Kindle edition will be on sale for $.99!

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NEVKDWM/ref=rdr_kindle_ext_tmb

If you haven’t had a chance to read this amazing book well here is your chance. All The Wrong Places is on sale until March 6th for .99 that is only 99 pennies.

Synopsis…..

Driving aimlessly through the stormy suburbs of San Francisco, Casey Wheeler is fleeing from her abusive and unfaithful husband with her five year old daughter Maddy asleep in the backseat. With nowhere to go and no one to turn to, Casey loses control of her emotions and her car, crashing into a hillside below a mortuary. Desperately seeking shelter, and more so independence, she finds herself taken in by the mortuary director who apprehensively offers her a job and a place to live. As she stumbles through the ins and outs of her new and morbid surroundings, Casey is forced into a hostile custody battle with her relentless and increasingly violent husband. In the midst of all the chaos, she finds a new family and even love in the eccentric and protective people of Golden Oaks Funeral Home. But just when she has found all she could hope for, she will have to fight to the death to protect it. This semi-autobiographical story of a single-mother and her journey to self-discovery, independence and a true understanding of love will keep readers captivated and yearning for more

TVBTrace Weston lives in the beautiful Palm Beaches. A college student who would rather party his life away than accept his father’s company. He loses a bet at a college party and has to have a “vanilla” relationship with a girl he has never met.

Vanessa Summers, moved to Florida to attend college for her love of the arts. She also left behind a dark past that haunts her every day. She meets Trace and is instantly taken with his irresistible charm. Will she be able to keep her secrets hidden? Will Trace be able to help her find the answers to what she is searching for? Will they be able to find who and what is trying to keep them apart?

This book is not suitable for persons under the age of 18. STRONG LANGUAGE, SEXUAL MATERIAL, and INTENSE VIOLENCE.

MY REVIEW…

This book will have you guessing all the way til the end. The chemistry between Trace and Nessa is beyond sexy. Ella pulls you into the romance where you feel warm and cozy, and then spoon feeds you the terror following Vanessa. The end of the book pulls the warm and cozy feelings you have been swaddled in, and BAM you are in shock. I cannot wait to read about the other characters in this series. The warm sun and sandy beaches of Palm Beach had me wishing I was there living in the world Ella had created.I am so proud of Ella. This is her third book, and let me tell you it will not be her last. She has plans to expand this series and about a thousand others series. Her brain is always going. Her creativity is endless.