50 Shades of Joy

Posted: February 14, 2015 in Uncategorized

Ok, the title was super lame.

If you know me, you know I hate stepping on people’s toes. I keep my opinions to myself. They are my opinions, and who wants to hear them? I live in a dream world where everyone gets along. I am one of those people that has lost sleep thinking someone doesn’t like me. So my opinion is reserved for the rants in my head where nobody can get upset with me.

When I heard that domestic abuse groups were picketing the movie I freaked. I was afraid I was doing something wrong by watching FSOG. It kept me up at night tossing and turning trying to figure out what I should do.

I thought about it, and decided I am not doing anything wrong. From everything that has been publicized E.L. James is in fact a woman. She did something almost every author dreams about. She wrote a book millions of people gravitated toward. Her words were devoured by the masses. Even if you aren’t a fan of her writing she did something people only dream of, and because of that I applaud her. Her book may not be for everyone, but from the sales it was for a lot of people.

I have never hid that at one point in my life I was in an abusive relationship. I do not in anyway advocate abuse to someone you love, or someone you don’t love. I didn’t want to walk to the theater where a group of people were yelling, and toting signs telling me what I am doing is wrong. The idea of having to walk by them while they judged me made me sick to my stomach. I thought about my past. How my ex would yell at me, look at me with disapproval in his eyes, and other things to get me to do what he wanted me to do. In a twisted way that is exactly what the picketers were doing. I decided that I wouldn’t let anyone dictate what I can and cannot do. They don’t know my situation, my past, and I am a grown adult that can make decisions for herself. (There were no picketers. Thank goodness. I can write a big game, but I don’t do confrontation, and I’m not sure I could have handled that situation.)

One of the arguments the picketers had was the movie advocated abuse. These are my thoughts on that….

Even though I was 19 and naive I would like to think I was smart enough that if my ex would have sent me a contract stating what our relationship would entail my ass would have stayed in school and never moved to Texas. In the movie Anna is given a detailed contract on what would happen if she accepted Christian’s Uhmm…asking her to go steady. These were two consenting adults agreeing on the terms and conditions of their relationship. Who are we to judge others? As long as both agree and are happy, even if we don’t understand it, it isn’t really our business. In all honesty, I think instating contracts before a relationship is started is genius. Everything would be laid out in black and white no surprise tempers flaring no walking in with your significant other wearing your underwear (unless it was stated in the contract.) So much heartache would be alleviated. If a woman has the right to say no…she also has the right to say yes.

Another argument was that the movie was degrading to women….

This might sound silly to say against this argument, but she had a safeword. A magic word that made everything stop. Anything that made her uncomfortable, or took her past her limits all she had to do is utter one word. That to me is power. I will be the first to admit that during my relationship I did not go through every word in the dictionary when his temper got the best of him. I assumed that “no” and “stop” would suffice. At anytime she could walk out on the relationship no questions asked. This was something agreed upon by both of them. He only had control that she gave him, and event that wasn’t permanent she could take whatever she gave him back. No cops would have to be summoned. Neighbors wouldn’t have to listen to screaming, and things breaking hovering over their phones trying to decide if they should get involved.

This whole thing has left me very uneasy. I was worried that I would hurt someone’s feeling by going to see a movie. I know that I need to get over my need to please everyone, but some people don’t realize that their opinions that they so freely spew out affect others actions.

I just got home from the movie. Most of this post was written before I left. I am not going to give my opinion of it because really it doesn’t matter. The unease I have been feeling the past three weeks in making a decision to watch a movie, seriously a movie, a fucking movie, has not left me. My past has been on my mind more than it has in years. Be aware your words have power. Think about your opinions, and what you want to accomplish with them. Try to take in account people have pasts that mold them into the person they are, and just maybe they can decide what is best for them.

  1. I feel the same way, in regards to E. L. No, I didn’t read the books but that’s only because it’s not my bag. But, you are so right about her, she’s living the author dream and bravo to her for it!

    Liked by 1 person

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