Immaculate band camp

Posted: December 21, 2014 in Uncategorized


It is the time of year we celebrate a virgin giving birth. As the child shivered in the cold people were bestowing silver and gold to the infant. (Not one blanket was mentioned.) Yes, I know he was saddled. This is all for comedy purposes. Nobody needs to get their panties in a knot. (Joy advice…don’t wear panties. Problem solved.)
A lot of comedy is based on coincidences that naturally occur in life. When something happens and the timing is so impeccably perfect that your mind explodes, causing laughter to burst out of you. It makes life a little easier.
Life is hard, but every once in awhile life will toss us a bone. Laugh, you’ll feel better. There are times that you may be mortified, and the laughter will not surface until years later. Giggle when it is time.
When the story I am about to tell happened it was the summer of my sophomore to junior year in high school. (I was about 16 years old.) At the time this story happened I was horrified. I am able to laugh now.
I was on the green lawn surrounded by band nerds,  and colorguard. My best friend was in colorguard, and convinced me to join so we could hang out. I was way out of my comfort zone.
We were in a large circle as the band instructor was going on and on about things not to do. As he explained not to lock your knees, I decide to demonstrate (not intentionally.)
From what has been explained to me, I was standing with everyone else, when my locked knees allowed me to sway in a perfect  circle before falling face first onto the grass bouncing not once but twice. Supposedly the band director pointed at me and said “like that.” (That’s me always willing to demonstrate.)
I came to seconds after my final bounce. A female band instructor ran to me, and helped me roll over.
She looked at me concerned and asked, “are you pregnant?”
My immediate response,”how long was I out?”
I was at this period in time, innocent. Seriously, my only boyfriend at that point in time was a male cheerleader (you do the math on that one.) I look the same as I did in high school (more meat on my bones) so no boys were banging down my door to date me. Figuring my name was still Joy and not Mary, I was staring at the band instructor with horror on my face as she stared back in confusion.
I whispered that I was not hymen challenged.
That whole year I was known as Rosemary. After getting over my initial embarrassment, I was able to laugh about it. Telling the band boys that they didn’t have to drug me to impregnate me with their demon spawn. (Kidding)
This story has followed me forever, and the American Pie movie made it even worse.
Let me explain.
After high school I went out on one date with this weird guy. 
We were talking about school, and his time as a “marine sniper” (yeah, totally believed that one.) He was telling me about people passing out. I was excited because I had my own story. I start my story with,
This one time at band camp….
He finishes with…well you know.
I was shocked, and confused. (I didn’t play flute.)
To make it up to me on our one date he took me to see American Pie. That whole date was a disaster, but that is another story in itself.
Coincidences…life’s way of saying, “sorry about being an asshole, here watch this.” Thank you life, I accept your apology. 😉

  1. Aquileana says:

    American Pie….. Oh dear what a movie… I never get tired of watching it all over again
    I guess I am still, at this period of time, innocent. 😛
    Great Post!… best wishes for the new year ahead, Aquileana 😀


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