Posts Tagged ‘#work’

So I waited. My two cents are mine, and really what the fuck can you buy with two cents?

At first I was going to write something awful and demeaning toward the cocky author. Something along the lines of…

Get me some syrup because I smell a major twat waffle. Mrs Cocky maybe you should stop writing and go teach victim 101. Where of course the space would limited as your ego would encompass most of the room.

But I didn’t write that. What good would that do? I mean it would make me feel better but this would just be another chapter in her victim text book.

So instead….

Let’s talk about branding. No let’s talk about books and specifically genres.

Stay with me there is a point to be made.

I will admit on my kindle there are way too many titles that include the words Highlander, Earl, Duke, pirate and many more historical romance verbiage. Historical romance is my jam. I love reading stories outside the genre’s I write.

The titles are a combination of those words. The earl highlander, the pirate Duke so on so on. I pick the books because they are in the genre I like to read. A lot of times it’s based on the title, because it lets me know what genre it’s in.

Now with the word cocky an image of an alpha male comes to mind. A cocky male who’s most likely is going to be a jerk. One who has slept with a ton of women and thinks he is Gods gift. He’ll meet a chick he fights with and in the end they will find they can’t be without each other. This is a genre MANY people like to read. The alpha male is one most women want to conquer. Why not read how others have done it.

Why stop at one book? Why not read them all?

When readers who enjoy the alpha male romance see the words ALPHA COCKY DICKSLINGER they know what they are in for. And if they enjoy them they want more

And this may come as a shock but readers can read more than one book. WHAT? NO! REALLY?

And readers will read what they like. I will admit I don’t just read historical romance I branch out, but I know what genres I like. And that’s what I spend my money on

I read more than one author. AND SURPRISE SUR-FUCKING-PRISE most readers do as well. Especially avid readers. So unless our favorite author is publishing a book a day, because let’s face it people can devour a shit ton of books readers will need to read other authors.

Why would you want to alienate authors from your genre? This doesn’t make sense.

I write rock’n’roll romances. My books are pretty far between each other (sorry. I promise Van and Jesse are coming) Why would I as an author not want my readers to read other rocknroll books?

Keep my readers immersed in the world of rockstars while waiting for the next JackholeSseries. Have them excited for my book by reading other rocknroll books and seeing what my characters get onto as opposed to other rockstars.

I don’t question my readers loyalty to the JackholeS if they read other rocknroll books. And I don’t think my readers are silly enough to buy a rockstar book and think it’s mine because of the title. I give my readers more mental credit. Also I don’t own them and would never think to tell them what they can and cannot read.

Also Amazon has this nifty little feature called the “read the sample”

This feature allows a potential reader free access to the first 10% of a book. At the end of the 10% the potential reader is given the option to pass the pay wall. They can decide if they want to pay and become a reader or they can pass and go onto another title. The reader has no loyalty to the book. And much to my chagrin Amazon also gives a reader an option to return the book for a refund before a specific amount of time with no questions asked.

With this any reader has the option to access a book. And just in case they did get confused because there was an innocuous word in the title. They can return it or not pass they pay wall.

This whole thing makes no sense. I’m not saying I don’t want my book to be the best rocknroll romance. Of course I want it to hit NYTBS list, but I’m not going to practice shady business to get there. I have enough faith in my books that they can make it there on there own without destroy anyone else in the process.

Also I would never talk bad about another book in my genre because different options are the spice of life. I wrote this post in 2016

https://itsjoysworld.net/2014/09/28/cant-we-all-just-get-along/

And I still feel the same.

So Cocky author suck on this cocky post. I hope you get over yourself and eat crow. Or should I say cocky.

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One of my favorite posts was stories that happened while I was in my massage room. I haven’t posted Tales from the Table is awhile. I’m sure most of you have figured out by now that I have a talent for sticking my foot in my mouth. In fact i do it so often I have contemplated on many occasions if i should stick my feet in chocolate before leaving the house.

I have had two encounters lately where I wished my little tootsies were bathed in chocolate because I shoved them down my throat without any foreplay.

#1 Fruitcake oops

Normally when I walk into the room while I am adjusting the sheet and making sure everything is ready for the massage I will ask the patient if there is anything new I need to know about. This is the time they will tell me about any aches or pains they would like me to work on. Sometimes I will get some inappropriate responses. This was not one of those times.
I was massaging a patient who I have been seeing for many years now. The first time I massaged him I thought he was gay. I was super excited because I figured we would become the best of friends, and he maybe he would give me some fashion advice. Sadly he wasn’t gay but just a really amazing dresser. He is actually married with five kids. (Someday my gay prince will come and rescue me from Batman t-shirts and jeans)
Usually he will tell me everything hurts and to just fix him before going quiet. It sucks so much when a patient is quiet. I usually use the time to fix plot holes in my books. This particular time (right after Christmas) he told me that he ate way too much fruitcake. So much fruitcake he felt his muscles were full of the dessert.
Anyways… at the end of the massage as I was walking out of the room I turned to him and said, “I think I got all the fruitcake out of you.”
Our eyes locked in shock and I slithered away to wash the lotion and fruitcake embarrassment off my forearms.

#2 Starbucks and handjobs

If you have seen the movie Idiocracy the title will be hilarious. If you haven’t seen it I highly recommend it. I will warn you and say it is terrifying because it is something that could happen very easily.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0387808/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Anyways… I was once again in my dark little room with a naked man face down. This patient is also a long time patient of mine. He is a tad bit of a perv but I love him anyway. I try not to say things that he can use against me. I’m going to claim tiredness and allergies to the slip I made a couple of weeks ago.
When I walked in he was in position face down ready for my hands to do their magic, but I had yet to touch him.
Patient…I already feel the tension going away.
Me…(Smartass remark ready for fire) Well then you lay here for an hour and I’m going to go get a Starbucks.
Patient…No wait I still need you.
I start the massage and the conversations stops for a minute or two.
Patient…would it be better if I brought you a Starbucks?
Me.. No because then I would want to drink it and I would end up massaging you with one hand (As soon as the words left my mouth I wanted to grab them back. I had just given him ammunition and the massage was only five minutes in)
Patient… Well I don’t see a problem with that. Hell I will bring you three so you can massage me with one hand for the full hour.
Me…I don’t think you would be able to last the full hour. Just bring me a tall.

We both ended up bursting into laughter, because hell sometimes things are too funny not to laugh.

If you need some more cringe worthy moments please feel free to click the link below to read some of my other Tales from the Table.

https://itsjoysworld.net/2014/06/23/tales-for-the-table/