DIARY FROM FACEBOOK JAIL

Posted: November 3, 2016 in #Romance, amazon, authors, comedian, comedy, facebook, facebook jail, facebook live, humor, love yourself, rebel, venting
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This is a my story of how I ended up in Facebook Jail. I didn’t realize how many people have similar stories, but this is mine.

Let’s start from the beginning….

I met Mr. Facebook years ago. I was a stunned by Mr. Facebook’s good looks. His dazzling blue eyes (get it? Facebook’s logo is blue)and his immense social media presence. I wanted to be a part of Mr. Facebook’s tribe so I timidly joined in.

Wanting to be in the Facebook family I hastily checked the, I Agree, button on the large contract that was thrust in my face. Admittedly, I didn’t read the fine details on Mr. Facebook’s firm rules of conduct. Even if I did I would have still signed on.

Mr. Facebook lured me in. Asking me about my day. Asking me what I was thinking. He encouraged me to share pictures of my loved ones, of my ups and downs, and allowed me to connect with people in his tribe so easily it was mind boggling.

Throughout our relationship I started to notice that Mr. Facebook had some dominant tendencies. There were times he would hide my pictures and my posts. He also was known to hide my friends posts from me as well. It started to get really fishy when Mr. Facebook asked me for money in order to show my posts to the people who would enjoy them the most.

Mr. Facebook isn’t alone in his reign of control. He employees ugly smelly trolls to search for things that Mr. Facebook would deem wrong in his pristine little community.

On Halloween I felt the full extent of Mr. Facebook’s wrath. I posted a picture of a weenie dressed as a ghost.

 

No longer was I in Mr. Facebook’s good graces. No longer did he want to know what was on my mind.I was summoned into Mr. Facebook’s lair to receive my sentence. His right hand man pulled me into the room and threw me on the floor scoffing at me in disgust. I’m not positive, but I think Mr. Facebook’s henchman’s name was the notorious Grammar Nazi.

Mr. Facebook came in wearing low slung jeans and no shirt (a la Christian Grey style) The troll that turned me in was lurking in the shadows to remain anonymous. Only their putrid smell was present.

“What should we do with her?” Grammar Nazi hissed kicking me with his steel-toed boot.

“It was just a joke. The weenie was covered. There are worse posts than that. Hell, look at the nasty political posts, and pictures of abused animals,” I cried wheezing on the floor.

“Silence,” Mr. Facebook roared. “Solitary confinement for four days.”

I opened my mouth to fight for my right to publish what I wanted to on my own account. To explain I was a grown woman that had grown out of time-out. Before anything could leave my mouth, Grammar Nazi stuffed a ball gag in it.

I was hefted up and dragged down a dark dank hall kicking and screaming. I heard Mr. Facebook and the troll cackling over my gurgled cries.

Grammar Nazi pulled me through a cement room where women of all shapes and sizes were pressed against the wall throwing him the evil eye. A single light bulb hung in the middle of the damp room. Before being thrown into a tiny room in the corner, Grammar Nazi wrapped my wrists in thick black tape behind my back. He forcefully pushed me into the little room and locked the door, telling me he would be back in four days.

Tears raced down my face, running around the ball gag. The salt coating my tongue.

“Psst, don’t cry doll,” a woman whispered to me.

Even though I was locked in a little room, I was still able to see the people surrounding me. My eyes locked on a woman with a sad smile trying to soothe me.

“We’re all in here because we did something to piss off Mr. Facebook. I’m Sydnee by the way.”

My eyes looked down at her trying to figure out what she did wrong. She must have been able to read my face, because you answered my silent question.

“I liked too many things. Mr. Facebook took away my ability to like anything for three days. I get my thumbs back tomorrow.”

My eyes widened in horror when I she raised her hands up so I could see them, and noticed her thumbs were taped to her hands.

“It’s not so bad. I could have been, Greta.” She pointed to a woman trapped behind a glass partition. Her hands were pressed against the glass as she stared longingly at the women in the room. “Greta,joined too many groups too fast for Mr. Facebook’s liking. She can’t join a group for seven days. Poor girl.”

The woman shook her head as she pointed at another lady leaning against the wall. “That’s Susan.”

The woman Sydnee was pointing at raised her hand in a wave. Half of her fingers were taped down at the knuckles, her thumbs visible.

“Susan posted too many posts for her book. Mr. Facebook took away her ability to post. She can still like things and comment on others posts.”

My mind spun as I looked around at the women stuck in the jail cell. There were so many all of them stifled in different ways, because they did something to anger Mr. Facebook.

Now as I sit here in Mr. Facebook’s jail. I watch other people post pictures and jokes and have no means of communicating with them.

Be CAUTIOUS of Mr. Facebook’s rules, or you can end up in jail.
AND

BEWARE OF THE TROLLS. THEY LURK ABOUT EVERYWHERE………

I’m alive??

Posted: October 6, 2016 in #Romance, amazon, authors, book blast, book blog, book boost, book lovers, book release, comedian, comedy, facebook live, giveaway, Halestorm, Hollywood, Hollywood Improv, humor, improv, indies, love yourself, new release, stand up comedy
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Hello,

Remember me?

Yeah, me neither.

I have been telling myself that I need to write a blog post. I guess I’m finally taking my advice and doing it. I’ve become rather bossy inside my head.

Life has decided to give me a big middle finger.

I’m going to try and make this short, and see where it gets me. My kids are also on fall break. What does that mean? It means I’m secretly writing this on my phone hoping to get through it before someone gets hungry or hurt.

Aug. 21st I went and preformed at the Hollywood Improv. I was trying to juggle everything so blogging kind of went on the back burner. Also I had a book coming out Sept. 13th that I was getting ready for.

How was your set, you ask…

https://youtu.be/TGEOSsFCo1k

It was amazing. The audience seemed receptive to my brand of Jackassness. I’m pretty sure I floated off the stage.

That was on a Sat. Three days later the foundation I was firmly standing on shook. I’m still trying to recover my footholds and feel secure in day to day life 

I received a text from my dad saying that my mom…MY MOM…had a stroke. If you have been one if my loyal followers you would know how special my mom is to me. She is the one I take to Halestorm. She is the one I word vomit all my problems to 

My dad is the worst at relaying information. Hell, he’s the worst at answering the phone. I’m pretty sure when he sent me the text he pressed send looked down at the electronic rectangle, shrugged, thought I don’t need this any longer, and chucked it into a magical ocean that appeared to take the only form of communication I had with him. Suffice it to say it was the longest three hour drive of my life.

When I got to the ER my mom could only say Hi and I love you. She kept repeating it over and over again, while internally I was begging myself not to have a complete break down.

In the ICU she was only allowed to have two visitors. I convinced my dad and brother to go get some rest. Here is the thing about ICU they don’t want you to stay. I had one hard chair and nothing else. It didn’t matter I wasn’t leaving her.

That night she was woke up every hour. I was with her throughout the whoke thing. It was also the night she looked at me and said, “I love you, Joy” then turned aroud and corrected herself to,  “I love you, Sissy.” Yeah, the tears flowed.

The second night they realized I wasn’t leaving and a nice nurse brought me a blanket and pillow. 

My mom had a stroke that was caused by a clot breaking free from an aneurysm. Aneurysms run in my family. My grandma and aunt had one both at 56. (in about 10 years I suppose I’ll go get checked) Her aneurysm didn’t bleed or burst. It just had a piece break off. Of course my mom doesn’t do anything half assed. She had a huge aneurysm in the front of her brain in the middle of where the artery branches. 

She had surgery where an amazing surgeon and team placed a coil in the aneurysm and two stints on each side. 

I’ve never understood people wearing sports jerseys, but I can tell you I would proudly wear a jersey with her surgeons name on the back. Also her PT, Norman. He was a PT god, I watched him use PNF stretching where she moved her leg for the first time. He also let me do the PNF on her. Yeah, always the teachers pet. Or at least my mom teased me of that. 

Keeping myself busy in the hospital

Every day my mom improved. She was in the hospital for a month. I’m so proud of her. She is now home. She can walk without her walker ( I named it, Paul) She still gets frustrated, but it is amazing to see her get better and stronger every day.

 

Also during that time I pushed my book release back to Sept. 27th. I worked my ass off to get everything done but I had a lot on my plate. 

I made teasers and banners of my beautiful book cover. I ordered paperbacks for the signing I have on Oct. 22nd. On my release date I was so damn excited. Until around 11 o’clock when I got a message asking if I meant to spell Survivng wrong.

Nope

No

I sure did not

I looked at that damn cover over a thousand times and not once did I recognize it was wrong. 

Ughhhh

I called my printer but it was too late to find out of theg had been printed yet. The awesome customer service lady said she would email me if she was able to pause the shipping. Imagine my hysterical laughter when she sent me my tracking number. 

I owned up to it live on Facebook. Explaining that Surviing Faith paperbacks will be at the signing because I didn’t have time to order another set.

Readers were supportive and understanding. Some even saying they wanted the misspelled cover. The cover is now fixed so any other books I order will be spelled correctly.

So that has been my life lately. I’m still crusing along. I have a paperback giveaway going on right now. To enter all you have to do is add a review of Surviving Faith to amazon. I’ll pick the winner live at the author by the beach signing Oct. 22Nd. Also keep an eye out for the costume I’ll be wearing. 

Hollywood Improv

Transparent Review- Joy Eileen

Posted: July 21, 2016 in Uncategorized
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A review for TRANSPARENT. LOVE IT

How I embarrassed myself on my B-day.Broken Faith

Posted: July 17, 2016 in a Capella, authors, birthday, book blast, book boost, comedian, comedy, facebook, facebook live, humor, improv, karaoke, music, new song, radio, singing
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July 14th, my birthday. I went live and embarassed the hell out of myself. In Surviving Faith I wrote a song. Now when I wrote the song had the JackholeS in mind. So vocals in my head were done by Kill. Van would be on drums and D and Jet would have bass and guitar. 

The song in my head had some awesome solos in it to display the talent of all the band members. So me. A woman singing it doesn’t do it justice. Also I don’t have the greatest singing voice. So be nice when watching. I screwed up one of the lasr verses and my youngest son walked in at the end. I haven’t watched it yet either, but I heard at some point it glitches and my eyelids start fluttering. 

It took us three times to get Facebook to cooperate with us. It kept kicking me off. Most likely because it hated my singing voice 

Broken Faith

Adventures in Ghost Writing

Posted: July 15, 2016 in authors, book blast, book blog, book boost, book lovers, customer service, facebook, ghost writing, goodreads, love yourself, new business, Uncategorized
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A friend of mine pulled me into the ghost writing business. It has been a big adventure and it has allowed me to explore more of my writing ability. I can’t go into details of the books we have been working on, but it has definitely yanked us out of our comfort zones.
The most surprising thing was how much I enjoyed it. We enjoyed it so much that we have decided to expand our ghost writing and create our own business. This is extremely exciting for both of us. We have already had some satisfied customers.
If you are interested, please check out our website.

http://theghostinggals.blogspot.com/p/hire-us_6.html

A Blizzard of Emotions #PerfectlyImperfect

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Normally I avoid conflict like the plague. I don’t really feel like my opinion matters. I’m just me. Confidence has always been an issue for me, and it is something I don’t see changing anytime soon.
A certain person’s comments has pulled me out of my non-conflict blanket fort. He wrote a statement basically telling a woman to, “To go eat their last Dairy
ueen Blizzard and then hang yourself in the closet.” He claims he doesn’t stand for any type of bullying. Yeah…..
This man states he is a personal trainer wanting to assist people in becoming more healthy. How is telling someone this healthy?
I was hoping he was just writing in the heat of the moment. I am not in anyway standing up for his statement, but most people are guilty of saying something they are not proud of when they are immersed in emotions. The sad thing is he seems to still be in this haze of anger and more awful things keeps spewing out of his fingers and onto his social media sites.

So I left this post for a couple of days. I wasn’t even sure I would come back to it. My body image has been the worst it has been in years. Harper Sloan has a challenge out today. The #perfectlyimperfect challenge post a selfie without wearing any make-up. And I can’t do it. I can’t even post a picture if me wearing make-up.
As an author I realize how powerful words are. They can knock the breath out of you. I try to remember (contradiction coming) words actually do not have power unless you give it the power to knock you over. You can disregard any words you here.
You. Do. Not. Have. To. Give. Them. Power.
I have said this many times, and I can’t seem to allow it to penetrate my brain. I allowed words and actions to take what little confidence I had away. I will believe a you’re funny compliment. I will not take a you are beautiful compliment. Honestly I feel like that person is a liar.
In my stand up class there was a girl who oozed confidence. She was incredible and I couldn’t understand how she was so comfortable being her. The funny thing was she couldn’t understand how I couldn’t stand being me.
I joke and tell people I have sidewalk written across my forehead. I will not stick up for myself. If someone does me wrong I will justify it in my head. Making them more important than my feelings.
I will say I get hurt when I’m taken advantage of. Even if it’s something as minute as being cut off in line. I feel that person is validating my thoughts that I am less important.
When I get ready in the morning I refuse to look in the mirror longer than it takes to make sure everything is in place. The mirror gets my middle finger more times than I would like to admit. Four years ago I lost 70lbs. The sad truth is I still didn’t feel comfortable in my skin. I still hated what I saw.
So for anyone to tell someone that they are not worthy of living the life they are living is disgusting to me. It shows they actually feel they feel they are more important than the other person.
I wish we could treat people with respect. Because most of us are fighting our own internal battle. We don’t need outside sources to influence our feelings in a negative way. Because from experience even if you lose weight you can still be just as unhappy as you were when you were carrying those extra pounds.
Think of others around you and try to be kind. They are most likely struggling. Telling someone what to do to make them feel better might not be what they need, so just be nice
Don’t be like me.
Feel important because you are important.
Make changes to better yourself, but love yourself as you are in this moment.
This post is going to have a ton of typos. If I re-read it I will not post this, and I’ve already been holding onto it long enough.

Image  —  Posted: May 9, 2016 in authors, book lovers, comedian, humor, love yourself, perfectly imperfect
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Me at the Improv

Posted: April 10, 2016 in comedian, comedy, humor, improv, massage, stand up comedy
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Ok, here is the link to my set at the Hollywood Improv.

I had so much fun, and I can’t wait to do it again. It sucks because I got some bad advice right before I left for the venue. My sister told me I needed to keep my hair down. I never ever ever leave my hair down. I told her I didn’t want to because I would fuck with it. She said it would be ok because then I wouldn’t be messing with the microphone. Well stupid me I left it down. I was nervous on stage but my hair playing made me look even more nervous than I was. The cardinal rule is to not do anything out of the norm when you are doing something new. Well I didn’t listen to myself.
I hope you enjoy the video. I can’t wait to do it again. I know with more practice I’ll be able to get my timing down.
The whole class was amazing by the way. I was so proud of them. Everyone of them brought their A game and I was excited to be in the same show as they were. Our teacher wrote us after the show, and complimented us even more.
This is a piece of the email he sent us.

“Great job on Sunday! How do I know it was a great job? Because the sound guy at the Improv said this was the best class show he’s ever seen and even better than some of the shows he’s seen booked at the Improv. This guy has been at the Improv for over a year and is also a stand up of 10 years and probably has seen more shows than you can imagine, so this is a helluva compliment!”

So here you go. If you enjoyed my performance I would appreciate you sharing the link.

Do you know Kristen Hope Mazzola?

Posted: April 5, 2016 in #Romance, amazon, authors, book blast, book lovers, indies, Uncategorized
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So one year ago I went to Vegas. I went to support my friend Rebecca Fisher in her first author signing. This was also the trip that I met an amazing person(s). Rebecca’s table was across for Kristen, her PA Dayna, and next to them was Mary Catherine Gebhard.
The trip a year ago https://itsjoysworld.net/2015/04/14/vegas-or-bust/
We hit it off immediately. These were the girls that I ended up spending the rest of the week with.
Kristen was super supportive of Breaking Faith. This was before I was convinced that I was even going to publish Breaking Faith. Kristen felt that if I had a cover I would maybe be more inclined to publish.
She was amazing and I was a pain in the ass, but she found the cover for Breaking Faith. Honestly, she also made the covers for Surviving Faith and Becoming Faith. I know what those look like. Sorry had to rub that in.
Breaking Faith has been an adventure for me. Kristen helped me with everything. She was seriously as patient with me as a kindergarten teacher. She held my hand (through the phone) and helped me with everything.
Kristen gave me faith in humanity. Kristen along with all the other amazing indies helped me get through something very near and dear to me. She posted that this was around one year since we met. I wanted to write this post to tell her how much I appreciate everything she has done for me. If you loved Breaking Faith then you should be thanking Kristen, because if it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t have published.
So this is my Thank you, Kristen.
If you haven’t heard of Kristen her links are below. I highly suggest checking her out. You will not be disappointed.
https://www.facebook.com/AuthorKristenHope/?fref=ts
http://www.amazon.com/Kristen-Hope-Mazzola/e/B00H85N5QQ/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1459828588&sr=8-1

Night at the Improv

Posted: April 4, 2016 in comedian, comedy, Hollywood, Hollywood Improv, humor, improv, stand up comedy
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So I did stand up tonight and I think people laughed. I will put the video on YouTube under Joy Eileen as soon as I can.
I have to say it’s like a tattoo, it’s addicting. I can’t wait to do it again. Here is proof until I get the real proof.

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Hollywood Improv or bust

Posted: March 29, 2016 in authors, book boost, comedian, comedy, Hollywood, Hollywood Improv, humor, improv, massage, podcast, stand up comedy
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Soooo….if you’ve been reading my blog, you know I have a weird desire to do comedy. In fact I did it once two years ago for my birthday. Here’s that link
Birthday Disaster
I have a friend (actually my first professional massage) that does a lot in the comedy world. He is hilarious (so is his adorable girlfriend that is an amazing photographer also. Jenny’s website)
While Derek Derek’s IMDB was being tortured by my elbows. We were talking about how he got into comedy. He told me about a class Tom Clark (Tom’s website) taught that he had taken. Long story short, he got a hold of Tom and coincidentally he had just started a class. I missed the first one, but I jumped right in.
This class was a big step for me. I battled my anxiety the whole time. Thankfully, not only was the teacher supportive the rest of the class was as well.
It was hard walking into the class because the rest of the students were on a whole other level than I was.
A lot of them have acting or comedy experience, podcasts, spots on a sports team, or just confidence up the ass Then there’s me. But I did it and not once ended up in the fetal position crying. (That pose is difficult with boobs)
Monday was my last class and it was bitter sweet. Everyone was so good, and I even got a couple of laughs.
So this Sunday my class and myself will be performing at the Hollywood Improv at 5pm. At the door it is $5 if you give the secret word (class) it is a two item minimum (food, drinks, handjobs) Someone from my class told me to tweet about it so I felt the blog would be a good way to get this out there.
Anyways….I have no friends so if anyone who wants to come and support me and laugh at the rest of my class I would love to see you there.

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