itsjoysworld.net

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,100 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 35 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

It is the time of year we celebrate a virgin giving birth. As the child shivered in the cold people were bestowing silver and gold to the infant. (Not one blanket was mentioned.) Yes, I know he was saddled. This is all for comedy purposes. Nobody needs to get their panties in a knot. (Joy advice…don’t wear panties. Problem solved.)
A lot of comedy is based on coincidences that naturally occur in life. When something happens and the timing is so impeccably perfect that your mind explodes, causing laughter to burst out of you. It makes life a little easier.
Life is hard, but every once in awhile life will toss us a bone. Laugh, you’ll feel better. There are times that you may be mortified, and the laughter will not surface until years later. Giggle when it is time.
When the story I am about to tell happened it was the summer of my sophomore to junior year in high school. (I was about 16 years old.) At the time this story happened I was horrified. I am able to laugh now.
I was on the green lawn surrounded by band nerds,  and colorguard. My best friend was in colorguard, and convinced me to join so we could hang out. I was way out of my comfort zone.
We were in a large circle as the band instructor was going on and on about things not to do. As he explained not to lock your knees, I decide to demonstrate (not intentionally.)
From what has been explained to me, I was standing with everyone else, when my locked knees allowed me to sway in a perfect  circle before falling face first onto the grass bouncing not once but twice. Supposedly the band director pointed at me and said “like that.” (That’s me always willing to demonstrate.)
I came to seconds after my final bounce. A female band instructor ran to me, and helped me roll over.
She looked at me concerned and asked, “are you pregnant?”
My immediate response,”how long was I out?”
I was at this period in time, innocent. Seriously, my only boyfriend at that point in time was a male cheerleader (you do the math on that one.) I look the same as I did in high school (more meat on my bones) so no boys were banging down my door to date me. Figuring my name was still Joy and not Mary, I was staring at the band instructor with horror on my face as she stared back in confusion.
I whispered that I was not hymen challenged.
That whole year I was known as Rosemary. After getting over my initial embarrassment, I was able to laugh about it. Telling the band boys that they didn’t have to drug me to impregnate me with their demon spawn. (Kidding)
This story has followed me forever, and the American Pie movie made it even worse.
Why?
Let me explain.
After high school I went out on one date with this weird guy. 
We were talking about school, and his time as a “marine sniper” (yeah, totally believed that one.) He was telling me about people passing out. I was excited because I had my own story. I start my story with,
This one time at band camp….
He finishes with…well you know.
I was shocked, and confused. (I didn’t play flute.)
To make it up to me on our one date he took me to see American Pie. That whole date was a disaster, but that is another story in itself.
Coincidences…life’s way of saying, “sorry about being an asshole, here watch this.” Thank you life, I accept your apology. 😉

I am positive I am not the only person that has full blown movie dreams. I am talking fully cast with actor/actresses (credits do not roll at the end.)
I have movie dreams a couple (if not more) times a year. Years ago I had a dream staring Chevy Chase. It had something to do with a hotel. Unfortunately, I do not remember the plot of this dream, but it was hilarious. How do I know that it was hilarious? Because I woke myself up laughing. I couldn’t go back to sleep. I was unable to stop giggling.
I was sad that I couldn’t remember the plot of that particular dream as it entertained me for quite awhile.
Fortunately, I had another dream that entertained me and I was able to remember most of the plot.
Cast:
Jason Lee
Elizabeth Banks
Craig Bierko
Joseph Fiennes
And others.

Jason Lee’s father was a scoundrel. He owned a handyman business and took people’s money.
Jason comes back to town after his father passed away and opens up a car mechanic shop. The shop was suffering as Jason lives under the shadow of his fathers reputation.
Joseph is a friend from high school. He owns a HVAC company. Joseph has to go out of town unexpectedly. He asks Jason to help out at a job he was unable to make it to. Jason agrees.
There a lot of cars parked in front of the building he is working at, but he pays no mind as he crawls into an air duct vent.
The building is housing a type of cult meeting. Craig is the leader of this meeting. The crowd consists of senior citizens, and Elizabeth.
Jason was now over the meeting and able to hear the conversation happening under him.
Craig was trying to convince his elderly followers that he was able to communicate with god. Jason is baffled at the speech Craig was going on and on about. When Craig announces his special connection with god Jason slips and hits a circuit board cutting out the electricity.
The followers gasp in shock.
Jason calls out, “hello.” The air vent made his voice sound powerful.  The followers start murmuring as Jason’s word echoes about.
One of the followers calls out, “is this the almighty?”
Jason is about to answer that he is not, but snaps his mouth shut. He realizes this could be the answer to his financial woes. He had seen most of the cars driving around town. Being that he was mechanically inclined he knew what cars needed his assistance. He was also observant of most of the personal lives of the towns people. With little to no business people watching was now a hobby to pass the day with.
“Yes, I am the almighty,” Jason answered.
The voices rise as they talk louder. Craig tries to get the crowd under control but nobody is paying attention to him.
Craig gets everyone’s attention by stating he was the one that brought the almighty to them. Jason rolling his eyes fixes the circuit board and switches on the lights. He is able to see the crowd below through a tiny hole in the air vent.
He hushes Craig’s attempt to take all the credit.
Jason spots an elderly couple that he noticed had balding tires, and another that needed a new exhaust system. He tells them that they need to have these fixed, and to use his shop. They grumble that he is just like his father, and they didn’t trust him. He assures them that his shop is fair, and he is nothing like his father
He also tells an elderly woman that her granddaughter is skipping school.
The meeting ends with murmurs of what the members had just witnessed.
The next day the two couples that needed car maintenance showed up. He did the work and they thanked him. Whispering that the almighty was right.
The next week they have another meeting, and he crawls back into the air duct. This is when he notices Elizabeth. He names more things that he observed in the town,  and stated that Elizabeth needed maintenance on her car. He could tell she was resistant to the notion that that the almighty was talking to her.
The elderly lady hits her in the shoulder, and states loudly that she would make sure her niece took her car in the very next day.
Sure enough Elizabeth and her aunt show up at the shop the next day. The aunt takes a walk and Elizabeth stays behind to keep an eye on her car.
Elizabeth is very standoffish toward Jason. He retorts back to one of her snide comments that she is the one attending cult meetings. She explains she is doing it to make sure her aunt doesn’t get taken advantage of.
Weeks go by and Jason’s business is taking off. Romance starts to blossom between him and Elizabeth.
Craig hating that his cult is following someone else and not him, he exposes Jason.
The backlash ruins Jason’s reputation worse than it was before. The residents write cruel things on the store wall. They mess with him refusing to serve him in restaurants and stores.
Before Jason was exposed he gave the advice to one of the elderly couples to get their brakes checked. Craig tells them that the almighty said their brakes are done.
The couple gets into an accident. Jason visits them at the hospital where he runs into Elizabeth. They start talking and other members of the cult come over and apologize.
Elizabeth and Jason become a couple and Craig gets what he deserves.

Thanksgiving. The day where you look forward to stuffing your face with a ridiculous amount of food before waddling off to get the latest and greatest deals.

Did I stuff my face?

Fuck-n-a I did.

Did I waddle my ass into every store open at the ass crack of dawn?

You know it.

I will admit I never once thought to do black Friday. Four years ago my, uhmmmmm….let’s call her my sister (because I don’t know what else to call her) asked if I wanted to go. I don’t get out of the house much so I thought of it as a girls night out.

Also, my sister likes to state her opinion a lot. Now she has warned me to never mention her on this blog. I have respected her wishes (even though she doesn’t read this damn thing) up until now. She kind of gave me permission to write this (granted it was three in the morning and our make-up made us both look like deranged psychopaths.)

Because my sister likes to state her opinion I am usually there to calm the situation down. She is a tiny little thing, and most of the time I can just tuck her under my arm and carry her around like a purse. I never understood why the tiny ones have the biggest opinions. In fact my whole family has no problem stating if they do not like something. I am the sidewalk, and get called out a lot when I let people get away with rudeness. My family, not so much.

You need an example . . .

Me and my Napoleon sized sister were in Costco about four years ago.

We are walking down the aisle when we come across a woman’s shopping cart in the middle of the aisle. In my sisters defense she did say excuse me to the woman a couple of times to get her attention so she could move her cart. This is where her and I differ.

With me, two things would have happened.

1. I would have waited until the lady moved her cart

2. I would have moved the cart gently out of the way, and went on my way.

My sister pulls back the cart and launches it into the woman’s cart, while yelling excuse me. (I know, I should have saw it coming.)

Does it end there?

Hell, no.

As we are walking past the lady, my sister looks at my shocked face and says “What she acted like she owns the store.”

The lady turns to us, and says, “I do own the store.”

This is about the time I am tucking my sister under my arm and carrying her off. Of course to placate the situation, I turn to the lady and tell her, “we really enjoy your store, maybe you should think about expanding the aisles.”‘

This is just one arm tucking incident.

I will admit I like going out on black Friday. I have met many nice people. (when you are in line with people for hours you tend to bond.) I have yet to have anything awful happen to me on my excursions, this is mostly because I refuse to fight for an item, and if someone grabs it from me I take Elsa’s advice and “let that fucker go.” (I am pretty sure that was how Disney originally had written that song.)

Once again I met some pretty awesome people this year. I did something stupid though, I left my sister alone, and went off to seek out books that were on sale. Honestly, I would have never left her if it wasn’t for books. I mean really books, on sale. That is like unleashing a siren’s call. As I was hunting down the song of the siren my sister was waiting for some electronic doo-hickey. When the whatever it was became available my sister grabbed what she had patiently waited in line for and went in search for me, that was until some dude took the box right out of her hands.

Somebody saw what had happened, and handed her a box with the electronic gizmo in it. She found me and told me the story. She said she was in shock that someone would actually take something out of her hand that she didn’t think to not take the gizmo from the person that gave it to her. She felt bad that someone was out of some fucking electronic thing just because some ass stole hers.  I immediately tucked her under my arm, and got her the fuck out of the store. (I’m kidding) We shopped and left. No other incidents to report.

Now when we went outside a couple employees were having their smoke break. They saw my sister and the electronic whatchamacallit. I then received the full story.

She was the talk of the store. Why? Because my tiny ass sister screamed “that’s my fucking box.” to a man four times her size. (she does not remember yelling at him.) Unbeknownst to us the store had security in plain clothing walking around. (none of them thought they would actually see any action. As most people are capable of being civilized.) One lucky security guard got to see some action. The box that my sister received was in fact the same box that was taken out of her hands.

The employees outside having their break energetically explained to us that because nothing else like that has ever happened, my sister was the talk of the store. My sister then gave me permission to blog about her experience. (acting like it happened to me of course. Being that she doesn’t read this, and I would have let it fucking go I decided to tell the truth.) I was hoping for more to write about, but really nothing happened on Friday. Saturday, I went to work and life moved on.

Now Christmas is coming up at super sonic speed. My name is everywhere. I have branded the month of December. I love it. It is my way of stalking people without having to make any effort (stalking just seems like a lot of work.) With my name everywhere I will always be in the back of your mind. Haha…super genius level…Achieved.

Thursday, I was a part of something very inspiring. Lilo Abernathy was a part of the Kindle Daily Deal. Lilo being the marketing mastermind she is, used this opportunity to its fullest advantage.
She put on her war paint, and rallied the troops. Lilo is a force to reckon with. She explained that it is her bossy nature that got her where she is 😉 I have come to the conclusion that Lilo is the personification of Mother Nature.
She was determined to use this opportunity to get The Light Who Shines as high as she could on Amazon. Being such a nice person, she already had support from many authors, and non~authors. Most she had helped out at some point in the past.
The amazing part was,complete strangers were offering her help. The outpouring of people that helped Lilo reach her goal was amazing.
There really are good people still around. It warmed my heart (not in the acidic way)  as strangers offered up there Twitter, Facebook, and Blogs to see another succeed.
I, like most indie authors (I hate calling myself an author as my book is hidden in the depths of my laptop) have stumbled on a community of supporters. People are willing to help their fellow authors out of the kindness of their heart.
Competition does not fuel this community. We all want the other to succeed. (How many times can that be said? )
When I first started talking about Breaking Faith the amount of support strangers offered was staggering.
I have also found myself wanting to help anyone in this community out. I want others to succeed.
All of us understand the process in a different way. We have a story in our head that our brain cannot contain. It pushes us to insanity. Really, who else would shackle themselves to a computer or pen and paper? We have to get it down in some form. It isn’t a choice.
We recognize like minded (or crazy minded) as they reflect the same coffee (Diet Pepsi) stained clothing we are sporting.
Understanding the need to write spurs us on to assist another that has been infected by the writing bug (yes, that asshole.)
I have never felt so accepted (without having to flash the girls) than I have when finding indie authors.
There is still good people.
Fucking awesome amazing people.
This was all confirmed by Lilo’s event. I am honored to be a part of this community (even if I feel I am not there yet.)
I wanted to say good job to all of you out there that are repaying kindness or stockpiling it for later use.
Keep it up. You are making the world a better place by offering kindness, even if it is just a simple word of encouragement.

The Light Who Shines
by Lilo Abernathy
Genre: Urban Fantasy / Paranormal Romance / Mystery
Amazon Rating: 4.7 Stars
Regular Price: $4.99
Sale Price: $1.99 (One day only)
Kindle Daily Deal Sale Date: Thursday, November 20th, 2014

Amazon Link: amzn.to/11sqD5Y

When Supernatural Investigation Bureau agent Bluebell Kildare (a.k.a. Blue) arrives at the scene of the crime, it’s obvious the grotesquely damaged body of the deceased teenage boy was caused by far more than a simple hit and run; and she vows to catch the killer. Using her innate sixth sense, Blue uncovers a powerful magical artifact nearby. She soon discovers it acts as a key to an ancient Grimoire that was instrumental in the creation of the Vampire breed and still holds the power to unravel the boundaries between Earth and the Plane of Fire.

Blue and her clever wolf Varg follow a trail that starts at the Cock and Bull Tap and leads all through the town of Crimson Hollow. Between being sidelined by a stalker who sticks to the shadows and chasing a suspect who vanishes in thin air, the case is getting complicated. If that isn’t enough, Dark Vampire activity hits a record high, and hate crimes are increasing. However, it’s Blue’s growing feelings for Jack Tanner, her sexy Daylight Vampire boss, that just might undo her.

While Blue searches for clues to nail the perpetrator, it seems someone else is conducting a search of their own. Who will find whom first?

Danger lurks in every corner, and Blue needs all her focus in this increasingly dangerous game or she risks ending up the next victim.

PRIMARY CHARACTER PROFILES
Bluebell Kildare: Blue is a Supernatural Homicide Detective and a gifted empath who has a pure spirit and a will of steel. She was orphaned at a young age and has had a tough life so far. Yet, she continually picks herself up by the boot straps and fights to do what is right, regardless of the cost. Just how high will the cost be?

Jack Tanner: He’s Blue’s sexy boss, the head of the Supernatural Homicide Unit in Crimson Hollow. Jack is very old and powerful Daylight Vampire with many layers. He is driven a little crazy by his desire to protect Blue in the face of her independence. Can he keep his cool when Blue needs him most?

Varg: He is a great grey wolf who comes out of nowhere and decides to be Blue’s companion. He seems to have some mysterious magical abilities and uses them to guard Blue’s life. Can he keep her safe?

Maud: She is Blue’s dear friend and mother figure. Maud used to visit Blue in the orphanage and read to her as a child. She can’t cook but she makes awesome Southern beverages. What color is her hair today? Is it blue, fuchsia, scarlet, or peach sherbet?

Alexis: She is Blue’s comrade and neighbor, as well as the sassy owner of a store called Herbal Enchantments. She is gifted in earth magic and if she isn’t busy feeding her friends, she’s telling them what to do. Does she have her hands on her hips right now, or is she waving her finger at Blue?

The Villain: Can he get any more evil? No. He is about as evil as they come . . .

AUTHOR BIO
Lilo Abernathy is a somewhat eccentric, deep-thinking, warm-hearted young woman of at least 43 years. She started out as a restaurant chain hostess and worked her way up to the exciting world of global mergers and acquisitions. She has enjoyed an on again/off again relationship with formal education and has been affectionately referred to as information hound. In the evenings, she fills her writing breaks by scanning the internet for answers to provocative questions, such as: “What causes diamonds to be formed in different colors?”

One thing that never changes is Lilo’s ongoing love affair with books. A born bibliophile, by age ten she finished all the children’s books in the house and started devouring the adult section. By age 15, she was working her way through grocery store book aisles and libraries. Just as Picasso had his blue period, Lilo had her own periods of readership–urban fantasy, paranormal romance, Gothic novels, etc. Now she’s planning on creating a bookshelf for you to enjoy.

SOCIAL NETWORKS
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/lilojabernathy
Twitter: https://twitter.com/Lilo_Abernathy

Goodreads:https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7789942.Lilo_Abernathy

Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/liloabernathy/

SITE AND BLOG
Website: https://sites.google.com/site/lilojabernathy/home

Blog: http://lilojabernathy.blogspot.com/

I just realized that I didn’t write a post for Friday. Gasp….it’s Monday. I’m sure you are all anxious to know what I have been up to.
I don’t know if I mentioned my nieces before. They are the ones that I took to the Paramour concert, and the I Heart radio concert the year before. Yes they have me wrapped around their finger. My nephews have the same power over me.
My oldest niece is the one that I workout with. She is thinking about getting her trainers license and opening her own gym. She is an excellent trainer. My glutes tense when they hear her. She made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.
I uhmmm “help” her write a paper for school, and she gives me a month free of workouts.
“Helping” her write her paper has kept me busy this week. I have had some other adventures, but not many.
Next week, I will tell you about visiting a killers house “lair” and a tasty magnet.

I had a massive Joy moment on Halloween, and I am going to tell you all about it.

I was talking to my friend (we will call them Misty) about my Halloween outfit. I didn’t want to spend a shit ton of money on a Halloween costume, so I plunged into the dark recesses of hell (known as the back of my closet) for something to wear. I pulled out two plaid skirts and thought, school-girl?

I was talking to Misty, and explained that I put on the two skirts but chickened out, and would not be wearing them out. I had the urge for about half a second to put the pictures on Twitter. Being neurotic, I started firing off questions to Misty.

The main question being….

Would I be soliciting stalkers?

Misty’s response was “You’ll get a blog post out of it, no matter what you do.”

(I should warn you that Misty seems to know everythinggggggggggg. Like always, they were right.)

I couldn’t help but wonder, if by posting pictures of me in all my holiday spirit, would I be asking for trouble? Would the Richard (dick) pics (thanks Catfish, and Kayti) start popping into my DM?

Would it be my fault?

In my mind….Yes. If the Richards started plunging into my DM, I would feel responsible for them. (No, I wouldn’t take them into my care and feed them, or pet them. I may try to find them a good home though. None the less, I would feel responsible for their appearance.) I am sure some women are cringing, thinking that it would be the Richard senders fault, not mine. The dick pick senders are the only ones that can control their actions, I didn’t make them take out their phone (or have their buddy take out their phone) and snap a picture of their pride (and Joy?) in order to send it to me. I agree everyone’s actions can only be owned by that person, but I have to assume that by posting pictures of me in a school-girl outfit, I would be opening the door for people to think I would be the type of person to enjoy their uhmmm…..glory staff. I am not saying it is right, I am just saying this is the norm of the internet.

Would I be able to complain about the DM’s requesting to be my principal?

Answer…Not really, but at least it would be somewhat of a witty response.

I feel I should explain, that in no way at all do I think that I am good looking. I have self-esteem issues that could fill a skyscraper, but I do have a way of attracting some strange creepers. By posting pictures of me dressed up for a holiday known for women dressing more provocative than normal, would my creep magnet become stronger?

I decided not to find out.

I have a feeling though that this post would be a lot more interesting if I did.

The dick pic seems to be 2014’s equivalent of a construction workers cat-call/whistle. Women don’t enjoy it, but they have started to realize it is bound to happen. This isn’t all women though, just like the strong willed woman that would go up to a construction worker and punch his lights out there are women that are standing up (yes, I know) against the dick pic crazy. I tried to be one of those women, and posted my thoughts on dick pics earlier this year.

https://itsjoysworld.net/2014/08/23/a-joyful-dick-pic-rant/

I hate to say this post did not stop them from wandering into my DM. Sadly, I am sure that this will not be my last post pertaining to Richard pics. So, for the sake of another post (and I really don’t have anything profound to end on) here they are. Happy belated Halloween…..

 Yes, the face is on purpose