itsjoysworld.net

I just realized that I didn’t write a post for Friday. Gasp….it’s Monday. I’m sure you are all anxious to know what I have been up to.
I don’t know if I mentioned my nieces before. They are the ones that I took to the Paramour concert, and the I Heart radio concert the year before. Yes they have me wrapped around their finger. My nephews have the same power over me.
My oldest niece is the one that I workout with. She is thinking about getting her trainers license and opening her own gym. She is an excellent trainer. My glutes tense when they hear her. She made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.
I uhmmm “help” her write a paper for school, and she gives me a month free of workouts.
“Helping” her write her paper has kept me busy this week. I have had some other adventures, but not many.
Next week, I will tell you about visiting a killers house “lair” and a tasty magnet.

I had a massive Joy moment on Halloween, and I am going to tell you all about it.

I was talking to my friend (we will call them Misty) about my Halloween outfit. I didn’t want to spend a shit ton of money on a Halloween costume, so I plunged into the dark recesses of hell (known as the back of my closet) for something to wear. I pulled out two plaid skirts and thought, school-girl?

I was talking to Misty, and explained that I put on the two skirts but chickened out, and would not be wearing them out. I had the urge for about half a second to put the pictures on Twitter. Being neurotic, I started firing off questions to Misty.

The main question being….

Would I be soliciting stalkers?

Misty’s response was “You’ll get a blog post out of it, no matter what you do.”

(I should warn you that Misty seems to know everythinggggggggggg. Like always, they were right.)

I couldn’t help but wonder, if by posting pictures of me in all my holiday spirit, would I be asking for trouble? Would the Richard (dick) pics (thanks Catfish, and Kayti) start popping into my DM?

Would it be my fault?

In my mind….Yes. If the Richards started plunging into my DM, I would feel responsible for them. (No, I wouldn’t take them into my care and feed them, or pet them. I may try to find them a good home though. None the less, I would feel responsible for their appearance.) I am sure some women are cringing, thinking that it would be the Richard senders fault, not mine. The dick pick senders are the only ones that can control their actions, I didn’t make them take out their phone (or have their buddy take out their phone) and snap a picture of their pride (and Joy?) in order to send it to me. I agree everyone’s actions can only be owned by that person, but I have to assume that by posting pictures of me in a school-girl outfit, I would be opening the door for people to think I would be the type of person to enjoy their uhmmm…..glory staff. I am not saying it is right, I am just saying this is the norm of the internet.

Would I be able to complain about the DM’s requesting to be my principal?

Answer…Not really, but at least it would be somewhat of a witty response.

I feel I should explain, that in no way at all do I think that I am good looking. I have self-esteem issues that could fill a skyscraper, but I do have a way of attracting some strange creepers. By posting pictures of me dressed up for a holiday known for women dressing more provocative than normal, would my creep magnet become stronger?

I decided not to find out.

I have a feeling though that this post would be a lot more interesting if I did.

The dick pic seems to be 2014’s equivalent of a construction workers cat-call/whistle. Women don’t enjoy it, but they have started to realize it is bound to happen. This isn’t all women though, just like the strong willed woman that would go up to a construction worker and punch his lights out there are women that are standing up (yes, I know) against the dick pic crazy. I tried to be one of those women, and posted my thoughts on dick pics earlier this year.

https://itsjoysworld.net/2014/08/23/a-joyful-dick-pic-rant/

I hate to say this post did not stop them from wandering into my DM. Sadly, I am sure that this will not be my last post pertaining to Richard pics. So, for the sake of another post (and I really don’t have anything profound to end on) here they are. Happy belated Halloween…..

 Yes, the face is on purpose

Halloween has lived up to its reputation this year. It crept up behind us and screamed BOOOO. I cannot believe that the end of October has arrived, and will now slink away in the dead of night. Of course, it will be drunkenly stumbling (doing an impression of John Wayne’s walk) on ten inch heels, with make-up smeared, its tiny costume riding up in very dangerous places, and its dignity somewhere at the bottom of a pumpkin laced alcohol soaked red solo cup. (good-bye Halloween. See you next year.)

There is an on going joke with my family, that I make friends with the weirdest people. My family has told me if anyone could make friends with a serial killer, it would be me. I argue that I do not have serial killer friends because really I don’t have many friends. When I try to argue my point a Halloween story always comes up. I made friends with a monster, and I will never live it down.

Nine years ago a handful of my family and friends decided to go to Knott’s Scary Farm.

When I go to these type of places I shut down all emotions. I could be mistaken for a zombie with as much emotion as I show. I am guessing this is some type of coping mechanism (there were clowns lurking about. Fuck that.) One of my very good friends had no problem screaming at the top of her lungs. It was entertaining watching her jump and scream at the characters that jumped out at her.

At one of the last mazes we were going through, a werewolf jumped out at me.  I didn’t flinch.

The poor guy must have been having a bad night.

He threw up his hands,and stated “I quit.”

I reached out, and comforted him, “No, you were really scary. I just don’t get scared at these things. It’s not you, it’s me”

Dejected werewolf, “I was crouched in that space waiting for you. I am not good at this. I quit.”

Me, “No, don’t quit. You were really scary.”

Sad werewolf, “Nope, you didn’t even flinch.”

Me, “Ok, listen. See that girl in the sweater. (my terrified screaming friend) She screams at everything. I promise she will scream. Go get her.”

Tired werewolf, “It’s no use. I quit.”

Me, “Please, do it for me. Now, if she doesn’t scream, then you may want to consider finding another profession.”

Determined werewolf, “Ok,”

He runs up behind my friend,and sure enough she lets out a blood curdling scream.

He then surprises us all. He turns around runs back to me and gives me a hug before running off screaming thank you in his wake.

I then turned into the sideshow.

All of my friends,and family were staring at me in confusion. When I joined them I was bombarded with,

“Did that werewolf hug you?”

“Did what just happen, really happen?”

and of course….

“Only you would make friends with a monster.”

This is a true story, and it is brought up at least once a year.

While I was writing this, one detail started to bug me. Why did everyone let me lag behind? My family knows that if I am left to my own devices trouble normally ensues. I am going to have to ask them about this.

Happy Halloween….. 🙂

For two weekends in a row I have got to totally nerd out.

Last weekend was the La Brea Tarpits. I am still in love with my sloth. We are happy.

This weekend I went with one my friends to go see, Bodies: the exhibition, and Titanic.

Before my friend became my friend she was first my client. I was able to show her on the cadavers where her trouble spots were.

I love the human body (sloths also). I totally nerded out on the cadavers. The human body is one of my favorite things, and getting to see cadavers flayed apart is kind of sort of awesome. I have actually seen the exhibit before in Vegas, but it was still fascinating.

The Titanic exhibit was incredible, and sad. Before you enter the exhibit you are given a boarding pass. These passes are replicas of what the real boarding passes looked like. On the back you are given the name and other information of the passenger you are supposed to be. At the end of the exhibit there is a wall with the names of all the survivors and victims on the ship. You are able to search the wall to find out if you survived or perished.

I was a seven year old second class passenger. My name was Miss Eva Miriam Hart. If you are curious I survived.

The Titanic exhibit was hard for me to go through. It was extremely heart breaking, and I felt weird being entertained by dead peoples stuff. When I got home I was very melancholy, and it took awhile to shake the mood off.

My other friend who is helping me edit Breaking Faith kidnapped me to go see a movie on Thursday. (Seriously if you have not read her book I highly recommend it. You can follow her on Twitter @rfisherbooks) This is her book cover…

The movie we watched was very violent, and nasty gory. I am more of a comedy kind of girl. This movie wasn’t really my style (in all fairness it wasn’t Rebecca’s either)

I joked with her and asked if, “She tricked me into watching the movie, because I made her read all my vagina references”

We talked a little bit about my book. I felt guilty that I hadn’t really done anything with the edits she had given me. I have been on a hiatus from Breaking Faith. I think I may have mentioned this before.

Today, I kicked that hiatus to the curb. I finished most of the edits that she has given me, and will work the rest of them when I post this sucker.  So that is my update. Rebecca you can rest soundly knowing that all your hard work is not going to waste. 🙂

I was going to write about falling in love with a ground sloth. He looked like he wanted me in his arms as soon as he saw me.  Yeah I found my one true love.

Don’t we make the cutest couple?
I went to the La Brea Tar Pits on Saturday, and totally nerded out.

I love biology (I think I’ve mentioned this) seeing all the bones put me in nerd heaven.
Oh, and before that I went to Whimsic Alley, and nerded out there. I put on a $100 witch hat.

This hat is wayyyyy better than the $15 one I tried on last week.

I also went to the Comedy Store

And was set right up front where my boobs became the butt of a joke.
These stories were going to be my post this week, but something happened.
I haven’t really been talking about Breaking Faith lately. It has been on a stand still. I have no problems with it staying in that state. I have a friend the lovely Rebecca Fisher @rfisherbook she is helping me edit this damn thing. She has a book out called

All The wrong Places.

I highly recommend this book.
As all of you know life gets crazy. Rebecca has been such a humongous help. Her life was busy and I assured her that I was in no hurry.
She just handed me 165 pages of edits, and now has the last 185 of the book. I am assuming this means I am no longer allowed to keep it at a standstill.
So there it is. Progress is being made. I am all for procrastination, but it looks like that isn’t happening.
Maybe I will go hug my sloth. He will make it all better.